Before even beginning the application process, you must consider your reasoning for attending graduate school. Here are some commonly cited reasons, good and bad:

• Grad school is a great way to put off having to deal with the real world.
• The job market is bad right now, but by the time I finish my degree it will be better.
• Others have been telling me I should go to grad school because I had good grades as an undergrad.
• My parents went to grad school, so I should too.
• If I don’t go to grad school, I’ll have to move back home.
• A graduate degree will guarantee me more money in a future job.
• I have no job offers, but a decent GPA.
• I enjoy teaching and research, and grad school is an opportunity to do both.
• Grad school is a great way to start over with my emotional life, especially since I just got dumped.
• Having a PhD would give me greater status and more self-worth.
• My work experience so far has been uninspiring, and I want to explore new opportunities that would come with a higher degree.
• I’ve applied for and received a scholarship, so I owe it to others to accept and use it.
• It’s a sanctioned and convenient way to defer my student loans.
• Quite simply, I love learning.

It’s easier to pass judgment on some of these reasons than others, but all are used regularly, and the most important realization about them is this: Even the worst of reasons doesn’t guarantee failure in grad school, just as even the best of reasons doesn’t guarantee success. Those who succeed in graduate school tend to have a dogged work ethic matched to an ambitious vision and a strong sense of obligation to self, while those who do not succeed tend to spend much of their emotional time questioning their own sense of value and purpose in the process. Because of the personal and professional challenges that come hand in hand with graduate education, all grad students experience concentrated periods of self-assessment, and responsible students begin that assessment even before they apply.

 

Every graduate department probably has one—someone you hear about and maybe even witness in your first year of study. Someone who lives on coffee and cigarettes and socializes vigorously, perhaps even earning a storied nickname such as “the Professor” or “Rasputin.” Or someone who is reclusive and rarely seen, spiriting around the hallways or labs mostly at night, writing secret little notes that are crumbled and quickly stuffed into trouser pockets as you walk by. What these someones have in common is that they are graduate students (perhaps only allegedly) who are endlessly working on their dissertations.

There’s an old joke about a student being admonished by his professor: “No, I’m afraid students can’t get tenure.” Some grad students hang around long enough that they don’t seem to get that joke. They receive several extensions on their dissertations, perhaps even get part-time university-supported work teaching or doing lab research, and yet they never seem to finish what they claim is a legitimate and active dissertation, and instead become the stuff of puzzled ridicule and whispered legend.

How can such a thing happen? Quite simple: In graduate school, you are responsible for your own education. Hence, you can manage it well or you can squander it. Although graduate programs certainly do push their students along and support them, they also include a great number of hurdles than can be difficult to clear. Some sobering realities about graduate education follow:

• It typically takes 2-3 years to complete a master’s degree and 5-6 to complete a PhD, and for some students it takes longer.
• During your graduate study, your sources of funding from the school may change from year to year and sometimes might even be in jeopardy.
• By comparison to undergraduate study, there is far less attention to grades and far more emphasis on a long-term, meaningful, publishable project. Despite less emphasis on grades, some grad students do fail their comprehensive exams and are ejected from their programs.
• Your relationship with your advisor is one of the most important in your life, with all the paradoxical trappings that can come with complex relationships: mentorship, competition, collegiality, distrust, empathy, partnership, unfairness, kindness, acquiescence, and even break-up.
• Your teaching assistantship may throw you to the lions and expect you to teach your own class with virtually no supervision, or you may spend much of your assistantship fighting with the Xerox machine and processing grades from a class of hundreds of students.
• Often, your advisor is struggling to get tenure just as you are struggling to probe relevant literature or gather data. The two struggles don’t necessarily coalesce, and yours is readily viewed as the less meaningful one.
• If you’re attending grad school on a university or national scholarship, you may be looked at with some suspicion by your peers and the faculty, or you may be held in higher regard than others, with elevated expectations.
• When you reach the dissertation stage, you may spend a year or two gathering data about a bad hypothesis, or you may write a chapter or two and be told by your committee that you must throw them out.
• Your living circumstances may be very different from what you experienced as an undergraduate, involving a sprawling city or a lonely little Podunk built around the university.
• Your peers in graduate school may range in age from 21 to 50+, with diverse experiences that include marriages, divorces, children, multiple degrees, work in industry, publications, international travel, or a series of failures or successes beyond any that you’ve ever experienced. These peers become your social world and often your only support network.

Certainly, the picture is not always as grim as this, and many students relish their time in graduate school—in fact, some call it the best time of their lives, especially those who attend graduate school after some unsatisfying time away from education. However, there is also plenty of evidence to back up the argument that things go poorly for many. One 2004 article from The Chronicle of Higher Education [5] suggests that 40-50 percent of students who enter PhD programs do not finish.

To explain these numbers, despite the absence of national studies on the problem, research from institution-specific studies still reveals some noteworthy trends:

• Women drop out at a higher rate than men.
• Minority students leave at a higher rate than white students do.
• Americans drop out more often than international students.
• Students leave humanities and social-science programs at a higher rate than those in the sciences.

Considering these disappointing trends, one would think that graduate scholarship winners don’t fall into these patterns. But, according to The Chronicle of Higher Education article cited above, even scholars who are awarded graduate research fellowships from the National Science Foundation finish their PhD programs at about a rate of 75 percent, which is only slightly higher than for other science students in doctoral programs.

The purpose behind presenting these realities, of course, is both to help inform your decision-making process and to help you consider, if after serious self-reflection you decide graduate education is for you, the most effective way to compose your personal statements and other application materials. Being more informed about the culture of graduate study will both help you be more prepared and help you to be taken more seriously as you apply.

 

Imagine having to type and sign your name under this (redundant) sentence at the end of your personal statement:

I certify that this essay is original work prepared by me, the author.

Well, you need not imagine it—many scholarship and grad school applications include just such a statement for you to sign. Though it may seem almost absurd, by definition, that a student’s personal statement would need to be endorsed as being personal and original, growing concerns about academic integrity have made such a testimony necessary in the eyes of many.

The evidence that many students cheat in college is overwhelming. There are popular “self-help” handbooks published on the subject, and a growing number of classes in high school and college where teachers ban cell phones so that students can’t text message test answers to each other (there are other good reasons to ban cells in classes, too). As cited in the article "Educators blame Internet for rise in student cheating" [8] in The Seattle Times, one survey of 70,000 students conducted by the Center for Academic Integrity at Duke University found that 95 percent of high school and college students “admit to some form of academic cheating.” Other surveys report far less shocking but equally troubling results, usually settling on figures of about 50 percent of students who note that they have participated at least once in academic cheating.

Given the temptation and habit built into a culture where many students do cheat, and given the high stakes involved when applying for a scholarship or to grad school, it is not unreasonable to think that some students practice some form of cheating even in their personal statements. In this context, unethical practices range from exaggeration to poor source citation to outright plagiarism.

Lies, Exaggerations, and “Creative Truths”

One of the most famous cases of lies in a personal essay, which eventually led to a lawsuit by the writer of the essay, was in the news in 1998 (see the article "Judge Vindicates Princeton/School Blew Whistle on Lying Student [9]"). Princeton University alerted the medical schools one of its graduates had applied to that he had made false claims in his personal statement. The graduate and would-be doctor then sued Princeton, but the judge threw out the case after testimony was over and before the case had gone to jury. During the course of the trial, the graduate admitted to telling several lies and “creative truths” in his application. In his personal statement, he misidentified his race, lied about winning a prestigious scholarship, and falsely claimed that “a family of lepers had donated half their beggings” to support his dream. (This last claim is particularly creative, in that it is highly difficult and unsavory to check up on its veracity.) In the article cited above, Dean Nancy Malkiel at Princeton testified that the school had an obligation to inform the student’s target medical programs: “It’s up to us to see to it that the people entering the medical profession are competent, confident and trustworthy.”

And then there are “optimistic exaggerations” with just a whiff of truth. I once worked with a student on his personal essay, pausing with interest over a comment that he had “started a foundation” to help the unfortunate in a particular third world country meet their technological needs. (Impressive, certainly, but also so exact and unusual that I questioned him about it.) Because this student was applying for a prestigious national scholarship, where humanitarian service is especially valued, I knew this essay detail would capture the attention of the selection committee if the student reached the interview stage. Well, it turns out that he had indeed spent a semester in the third world country he had cited—again, impressive—but the “foundation” he spoke of was really just him kindly sending a rebuilt computer to his former supervisor in that country upon his return to the States. He had plans to send more hardware and start an organized effort, but in fact it was much more of a noble dream than a reality.

My example isn’t meant to belittle the student—in fact, his application otherwise was impressive and he quickly retracted his original statement after some discussion—but to represent how tempting it can be to exaggerate with the hope of impressing, and to note just how harmful a trumped up claim can be to one’s credibility. I’ve seen creative exaggeration on resumes submitted as part of an application as well: “I served as an institutional sanitation engineer” really translated to “I was a school janitor”; “I was President of the Nancy Club” really meant “I traded old Nancy and Sluggo comics with some of my friends on facebook.” I genuinely believe that students who write like this don’t necessarily mean to lie; they just aren’t sure if the truth sounds impressive enough. And in the case of the “Nancy Club” —well, there’s simply no way to dress it up, and it just doesn’t belong.

Clearly, students making exaggerated claims and telling “creative truths” in their personal essays only hurt their ethos and raise their audience’s doubts. Usually these kinds of claims are highly transparent as well, and the only person who is in a position to defend or explain them is the writer. Seasoned readers easily sniff out the exaggeration or, worse, may even ask the student about the claim in an interview, only to receive a fumbling response or a downright, regrettable lie.

To state the obvious, then, tell the truth about yourself. A good rule of thumb is to assume that anything you write in a personal essay or on an application resume could come back to haunt you in a follow-up interview. Be prepared to back up any claim you make with verbal evidence, even beyond that provided in your essay, and don’t put yourself in a position of having to retract something just because you hoped to make it look more impressive than it actually was.

Plagiarism

As a writing tutor who helps students wrestle with issues of source citation on a daily basis, I know that well-meaning students are sometimes genuinely puzzled about ethical source citation practices. The nuances of this issue are many, especially when one cites internet sources; however, the underlying ethic should be clear—when you use someone else’s original ideas or words directly, you must cite your source. Unfortunately, so many students are habitually guilty of “sloppy thinking” in this area that professors have to give the issue special attention, even though they’d much rather not. I once had a student copy an entire page from another student’s paper during a rough draft session without her knowledge, then hand the paper in as his own. When I compared the two papers and pointed out that he had actually plagiarized much of the material, he tried to claim that he had simply failed to cite the other student’s paper. I’ve also had students innocently claim that if material appears on the web it need not be cited because, by definition, it’s common knowledge. Such appalling reasoning induces premature aging and weary hearts in teachers.

In regards to citation practices within personal essays, the first principle you must understand is that citation within a personal essay is indeed a common practice. You need not worry that it will look odd to cite sources within your essay, especially when you apply for, say, a Goldwater Scholarship or a National Science Foundation Fellowship. In these instances, parts of the application are akin to a scientific literature review, so failure to cite your sources professionally could actually be a kiss of death.

The second principle is that the same rules for citation are relevant as applied in your college papers—i.e., you must cite sources in the following circumstances:

• When you use statistics or data generated by other authors;
• When your quote verbatim or paraphrase in a way that your wording closely resembles the original source;
• When you borrow another author’s interpretation, argument, theory, or hypothesis;
• When you wish to enhance your credibility or argument by comparing it to the published work of another.

In such circumstances, always cite your source, following the maxim that it is better to be safe than sorry. Further standards and mechanics to follow when citing sources in personal essays are detailed in the "Citing Sources" [10] section of Chapter 2 of this handbook. For much more extensive advice on source use, you can refer to Chapter 5 of Style for Students Online [11].

Avoiding Plagiarism and Using Samples in This Handbook Responsibly

If you’re not convinced that plagiarism is practiced by students applying to graduate school, just visit one of the many websites where papers and personal statements are sold to students, such as 123helpme.com [12]. At schoolsucks.com [13], one of the oldest websites devoted to this mission, a search for the keywords “personal statement” turns up hits including personal essays written for students seeking graduate study in nursing, philosophy, education, and criminal justice. For about $30-40 a pop, foolish (and apparently wealthy) students can purchase one of these personal statements and potentially plagiarize from it, fundamentally cheating both themselves and their readers. Success in such a venture is, of course, perhaps unlikely and certainly unethical, and the idea that material from someone else’s personal essay can simply be transplanted into your own reflects badly on the quality of the original and even more badly on your own self-image.

Even harder evidence that plagiarism occurs in personal essays is provided by way of a Penn State's blog site, in a 2013 article entitled "Smeal rejects 48 MBA applications over plagiarism [14]. This article details how 48 plagiarized essays were  rejected during the first and second rounds of the Smeal College of Business's MBA admissions cycle, thanks to MBA Managing Director Carrie Marcinkevage and a plagiarism-checking service called TurnItIn [15].

Acknowledging the above, I do offer many sample personal statements in this handbook for your considered study, and that is exactly how you should use them—for study. Chapter 4 offers both examples and brief reviews of those examples, while Chapter 5 includes both essays that won national scholarships and those that did not win but are nevertheless effective. These essays were written by students from across the country and abroad, and I adapted them for print with the permission of the essay writers, aiming for a diversity of samples and voices. When studying these examples responsibly, you’ll realize that strong personal essays are so good that they, quite simply, cannot be copied; they succeed by persuading as argument, by achieving individuality, and—most importantly—by being personal.

Obviously, as you apply for graduate school and scholarships you are not alone in the process, with your primary help coming from your mentors, references, and designated academic and scholarships advisors at your school. However, in working with these individuals, you must understand the realities and ethical responsibilities that they uphold in the process of helping you.

Mentors and References

First of all, please understand that your references and mentors feel an obligation not only to you but to the program or scholarship to which you are applying. Many in academia feel that they should be guardians of their discipline, upholding high standards for those who work within it. Even supportive mentors sometimes say no to students seeking a letter of reference, in that they may feel they are too busy to write a letter, may not be fully supportive of you in relation to what you’re applying for, or may not have been approached by you in a way that makes them comfortable writing a fully positive letter. More often, though, you will not be turned down by anyone you ask to write a letter of recommendation, but your references will probably have these ethical expectations of you:

• That you give ample time for the letter to be written before the deadline—typically 3-4 weeks if possible. Often, those most willing to write letters are also simultaneously writing them for others, under similar deadline constraints.
• That you clearly understand and communicate the application protocol regarding the letter of recommendation. Some programs ask references to mail the letter directly to them, some ask references to give the letter back to the applicant in a sealed envelope, and some don’t specify any protocol and it is up to the student to sort it out.
• That you waive your rights to see the contents of the letter, thus allowing it to be confidential. Selection committees typically expect you to give up your access rights by signing a waiver on the application form. Some references might nevertheless share the letter with you if they trust your maturity, but the choice is theirs to make.
• That you understand that the recommendation—especially if it is written to support your application for a national scholarship—might include some criticism as well as praise. Increasingly, selection committees are calling for honest and full assessment of a candidate’s strengths and weaknesses both.
• That you follow up with the recommender by keeping him or her informed of the progress of your application. Few students actually do this, which can frustrate professors who have worked hard to be supportive.

Along with these expectations, which often make both you and your references equally uncomfortable, you may need to partner with your references in the reference letter and application process. Some professors will readily review and critique your personal statement and application materials, and in many cases, such as in the sciences where you are working on a team research project, you may require the help of a professor or graduate student to faithfully represent a full project description. Some professors ask to review your resume or a past essay you wrote to help them write a recommendation letter, and some will even ask you directly what kind of detail you would like to have included in the letter, suggesting that you write some of the text down for them in an e-mail. After that, it’s up to the reference to reshape that material effectively in a letter.

Academic Advisors, Career Counselors, and Scholarships Directors

When you apply for a national scholarship, in particular a scholarship where the institution internally assesses and nominates its top candidates, your school will usually have a designated academic advisor, career counselor, or scholarships director to help you through the process. Understand that this person’s role is to coax forth the best from you rather than write your application materials for you, and that schools are limited as to how many students they can put forth for each nominated scholarship. The role of the scholarships director is to be both cheerleader and judge—a precarious tightrope indeed. Even if the director from your school personally “recruits” you for the scholarship because of your academic record, the director must ultimately view you in context of all the other potential scholarship candidates, both at your school and nationally, and must also be concerned with the reputation of the school you are representing. Just as one example, for the graduate scholarship awarded by the Jack Kent Cooke Foundation, each accredited college and university in the US may nominate up to two students only, and in 2009 the Foundation expected to award just 30 scholarships from a pool of over 1,000 applications. In making choices about which students to nominate for a national scholarship, your school’s designated advisor must serve as a motivator and writing coach to you, while keeping in mind the odds against success, and maybe even deciding against putting you forth as a candidate in favor of one of your peers.

In short, you must understand the ethical and practical concerns of anyone helping you prepare your application, recognizing that the above concerns are typical rather than invented, and that your responsibility is to prepare an application of maximum efficacy, respecting and partnering with those who choose to help you.

Helping Yourself

Clearly, as a user of this handbook, you understand the value of using online resources to educate yourself. To educate yourself further about graduate programs, I recommend that you visit these sites:

• Discover Business [18], which publishes resources for "best value" business and accounting degrees, a list of business degree scholarships, and SAT and ACT preparation resources.
• Top Accredited Online Business Degrees [19], which publishes a guide for business degree students who wish to continue their studies towards earning an MBA degree.
• Education Index at PhDs.org [20], which uses publicly available numbers from the National Center for Education Statistics to help you pick the best graduate program to suit your needs.
• accreditedonlinecolleges.org [21], which helps  you choose among online programs that offer master's degrees.

 

Because a personal statement is unlike other documents you write in college, many students struggle with understanding the fundamentals of its definition. First off, don’t let the term itself confuse you—some application materials will use other terms such as “personal essay,” “reflective essay,” “statement of purpose,” or “narrative.” Regardless of the term used, such essays are defined by their comment elements, as detailed below.

One of the best extended definitions of the personal statement I’ve seen appears on a website from the Fellowships Office at Bryn Mawr (see the article "Advice from Fellowship Foundations [25]"). Below I offer a condensed version adapted from that website.

A personal statement is:

• A picture. Provide a snapshot of who you are as a person.
• An invitation. Your job is to “bridge the assumed distance of strangers.” Invite your reader to get to know you.
• An indication of your priorities and judgment. Your selection of material reveals your priorities and ability to discern effectively.
• A story, or more precisely, your story. The personal statement allows you room for creative, meaningful self-reflection.

A personal statement is not:

• An academic paper with you as the subject. The objective distance of academic writing disengages the reader from you in a personal statement.
• A resume in narrative form. Other parts of your application, which might include a resume, already tell readers about your accomplishments. A personal statement must reveal and interpret well beyond a resume.
• A journal entry. A common mistake is allowing your personal statement to read like a diary. Share only relevant material selectively, in a voice that remains both individual and professional.
• A plea or justification. Don’t beg and don’t defend the (incorrect) assertion that you are more worthy than other candidates—it only backfires.

Of course, nuances to this definition may be added based on the circumstances. For instance, at times an application might require three different essays with highly specific parameters, and perhaps one of these essays involves a personal narrative while another poses you a philosophical question to answer. Always look to the application itself to determine the degree to which the definitions above apply, and know that when there is a series of questions in an application at least one of them is usually designed to elicit a personal essay from you.

Normally, the length of a personal statement will be dictated by the application—500 words or 800 words are typical limits, as are one-page or two-page limits. If you’re given, say, a count of 1,500 words, you need not write to the maximum length, but to compose only one-half of the word count might be an opportunity missed. In any case, what matters most is that the material you present conforms as closely as possible to these word or space restrictions—parts of your application might literally not be read if you violate the rules—and that your presentation is aesthetically pleasing and easy to read. To achieve these goals, I promote the following tips:

• If your personal statement is a stand-alone document within your application, open it with a simple heading such as “Personal Statement for Janet Lerner.” Thus, if your documents would get separated somehow, they could more easily be reassembled.
• If there are any pages to your essay beyond one, number them, and perhaps include your name on those pages as well.
• Choose a publishing font that is highly readable, such as Times or Bookman. Some fonts allow for more tightness to the text, which is fine as long as the essay remains readable. Ideally, use no more than a 12-point size and no less than a 10-point size, favoring the larger, and use the same font size throughout the document.
• Allow for ample enough margins that the reader isn’t distracted by cramped-looking text. Margins of at least one inch are standard.
• Single space your text, skipping a line between paragraphs. You can indent paragraph beginnings or not, as long as you’re consistent.

At times, especially when you fill out an application electronically or have to cut and paste, word limits will be defined by physical space. In such a case, keep enough white space between your text and the application text that the material isn’t crowded, and choose a font different from that used in the application if possible. Also, if your application is electronic and requires you to cut and paste text or conform to a word or character count, check the material that you input carefully to be certain that it’s complete and reads just as you wish it to. In some cases, you may lose special characters or paragraph breaks, and words over the maximum allowable count may be cut off. The safest practice is to proofread anything you send electronically within the very form in which it is sent.

For most writers, one of the first struggles in personal essays is selecting detail, then the second struggle is figuring out what material to de-select. Obviously, especially if you have just 500 words, only one or two meaty examples per paragraph will be possible. To generate and select relevant detail, the following guidelines will almost always apply.

Read the Question or Prompt Carefully to Extract Definitive Criteria

Always begin by discerning the criteria of the question itself. Sometimes you’ll just be given a broad sweeping statement such as “Discuss those personal qualities you think will aid the committee in making its decision.” Such a statement is highly open to interpretation, yet there is definitely a wrong way to go about answering it as well—for instance, discussing your charm, financial hardship, or ability as a magician would be completely off target. More often, you’ll be given a more concrete, clear prompt with criteria imbedded. For the sake of context, here’s a typical sort of prompt:

In no more than 800 words, discuss your personal motivations, academic interests, relevant research or experience, long-term objectives, and your specific interest in attending Mythic University.

In this case, a typical response would be to follow with one paragraph devoted to each of the discussion points, with a savvy writer using the diction of each criterion within topic sentences for focus and context. Some writers would opt to be more creative in their approach, but even so a reader should not feel that any part of the question has been dodged.

Articulate a Personal or Professional Inspiration

Some writers open their statement with an inspiring quote or a narrative (discussed further in Chapter 3), while others make a comment about their academic discipline. What matters is that readers have clear context through your opening, and that we understand immediately that you are talking about something of motivational meaning to you. Briefly sketch out a positive influence: a memorable self-defining experience, a high school or college project that ignited deeper interest, an inspiring teacher or role model, a relative who followed a career path that you emulate—even a core theme that will carry through the rest of your essay. Always remember the typical fundamental goal of the opening: to provide a quick, meaningful snapshot of who you are as a person.

Discuss your Academic Background or Research as a Set of Learned Skills

Again, some writers might desire to be creative throughout their personal statement, but a more traditional route is to open the second or third paragraph with a discussion of academic background or research in relation to skills you have acquired. Certainly, work experience could be relevant as well, especially if you were a teaching assistant for a class and you plan on holding an assistantship in graduate school, but you must be careful not to rehearse resume-like details about any jobs you’ve held. Readers will be most interested in specific, skills-oriented detail: lab techniques acquired; analytical tools used; participation in team decision-making; journal research and publication experience; oral presentation skills. Think in relation to those skills most valued in your discipline, and describe your background in a way that highlights those attributes.

Many writers approach a discussion of their background by forecasting ahead to what they wish to study in graduate school, employing their past experiences to project future aptitude. For example, in Chapter 4 of this handbook, one writer uses these sentences to describe his thesis research:

My project involves the taphonomy, stratigraphy, and identification of a middle-Ordovician coral bioherm as well as its bryozoan constituents. The research is now well underway, involving many aspects of a sound paleontological study: sampling, analysis, identification, and finalization into a report.

Clearly, the writer’s intention here is to wed his present and the future—to project ahead to graduate research within his field of paleontology. By focusing on the techniques and skills relevant to his academic field while describing his thesis project, he lays the foundation for his intended future area of research.

In many cases, especially if you apply for a national scholarship or to a sciences program, you may be expected to discuss your research interests and background thoroughly as the heart of your personal essay. Specific details that might be included in these cases are the hypothesis of your undergraduate research, the exact nature of a research question you would like to focus on in graduate school, and even the name of a professor you would like to work with in graduate school and a rationale for how you made that choice.

Establish Some Long-Term Objectives

Some students hesitate greatly over this criterion, feeling as though they’re committing to an unbreakable covenant, while others reach too high or actually get too specific—“I intend to win a Nobel Peace Prize,” they claim, or “I plan to write four textbooks.” Keep in mind the needs of your readers here: They simply wish to confirm that you have a seriousness of purpose, and that you have the ability to envision some concrete plans (else why would you be applying for graduate study?). Your long-term objectives can usually be rendered briefly rather than expansively, perhaps woven into the beginning or end of your final paragraph. Good options here include articulating a plan to continue work in a particular research area, a desire to earn a PhD or teach at the university level, or future plans to work as an independent or corporate consultant. Also, depending on the context you’ve created in the essay, personal goals may be just as relevant as professional ones: to serve the public through grass-roots activism; to be the first member of a large family to earn a graduate degree; to write and publish.

Close with Specifics About the Target Program or Scholarship

Learning all you can about the target program or scholarship, which usually begins with a visit to the school or award website, will give you concrete closing material for your essay. Some students go a step further, e-mailing professors at their target program or past winners of their target scholarship, reading publications of the target program’s faculty, or making it a point to meet grad students and faculty connected with the target program at a conference. Such material, of course, could be integrated to give natural closure to your personal essay, thus affiliating you with the program of choice. Your goal is to create a personal and professional link between yourself and the graduate school. Go beyond simply inserting the school name into the final paragraph; prove that you have done your homework.

Finally, as a practical matter, many students visit their target programs on their own, sometimes even before they apply. Not only does this give them the opportunity to get a feel for the area and meet other grad students or faculty, it also helps them generate relevant material to include in their personal statement.

 

Although many personal statements will not include any citation of sources, in some cases—particularly if your work is in the sciences and you need to provide a brief literature review—you will need to cite sources at the end of your essay in a “References” section. Chapter 1 discusses the ethical concerns associated with source citation as you write personal essays (see "Student Writing and Ethics" [31] section). To address the more practical problem of citation mechanics, below are ways to address common mechanics challenges:

• In the simplest terms, the two basic citation styles appropriate for personal essays can be referred to as the number system and author-year system. In the number system, a number is provided in the text corresponding to a numbered source cited fully at the essay’s end. In the author-year system, the writer provides the author and year of the source in parentheses after the corresponding text, then cites the source fully at the end of the essay in a references list alphabetized by authors’ last names.
• When you use a references section at the end of an essay, provide full bibliographic information for your sources—e.g., author, article title, book or journal title, relevant page numbers, and website address if relevant. Because the mechanics of citation vary slightly from one journal to the next, most writers model their references page on that of a respected journal in their field.
• For convenience in a personal essay, it is acceptable to cite sources—especially if you use just one or two—in numbered footnote form at the bottom of the page. However, if you have more than a few sources, a separate section entitled “References” at the end of the essay is best.
• Sometimes, rather than a formal footnote or end citation, a contextual narrative citation will be sufficient if you are using a well-known quote or paraphrase (“Einstein said that imagination is more important than knowledge”) or attributing authorship and context directly (“As stated in a funding proposal authored by our research group, the hypothesis for my thesis research is . . .”).
• If you include figures or tables taken or adapted from a published source, cite the source directly in the figure or table caption, using the same citation style employed throughout the essay.

To see the above tips in action, browse through the sample essays in the later chapters of this manual, where you will find ample evidence of how other writers met their source citation challenges. For further detail about source citation practices, you can also go to Chapter 5 of the manual Style for Students Online [11].

Especially when lengthy application essays are permitted and desirable, and especially in the sciences, you might wish to include figures, tables, and equations within your personal essay, or they might be necessary to include in a part of the application where you describe an area of research or write a literature review. Obviously, the presentation of figures, tables, and equations must be both mechanically sound and necessary to the rapid understanding of the material. Both aesthetically and contextually, you should apply the same standards that you would if submitting material for publication.

Some commonly overlooked fundamentals of figures and tables follow:

• Figures are drawn or photographed pictures; tables are lists of numbers and words. Be sure to define them appropriately—many writers call a graphic a figure when it is really a table, or vice versa.
• Use line graphs to plot continuous variables (e.g., unbroken time measures); use charts or bar graphs to plot discontinuous variables (e.g., percentages that occurred in intervals).
• The caption for a figure appears below the graphic; for a table, above.
• Leave ample white space around the graphic that it doesn’t interfere with the reading of the text, but when considering space constraints keep in mind that modern word processing allows you to imbed graphics directly within paragraphs if needed.
• While producing a figure or table and its caption, follow the old maxim that the graphic could be ripped from the paper and still make sense. Thus you will caption the figure or table so that the reader can make immediate sense of the trend or data displayed.
• If using multiple graphics in your essay, refer to them consecutively by number, both within a relevant paragraph of text and within the caption.
• If the graphic comes directly from or is adapted from a source, it is critical that you cite the source after the caption, then include full bibliographic information for the graphic at the end of the essay.

For equations, follow these principles of aesthetics and grammar:

• Grammatically, treat an equation as a single noun that is a member of a sentence.
• Commonly, “we” is used to introduce equations, promoting the active voice and fluid readability.
• Short equations can be included as part of a sentence without any special spacing, as long as the equation flows within the sentence as a readable unit. Otherwise, equations are normally centered on the page, with a line skipped before and after. If an equation is too long for a single line, break it just before a “verb” or “conjunction.”
• When appropriate, define members of the equation just after presenting it, normally introducing those members with the word “where.”
• Equations may include punctuation marks after them, but your practice must be consistent within the essay.

For further detail about managing figures, tables, and equations, you can also visit Chapter 4 of the manual Style for Students Online [34].

On university campuses, not a week goes by without spirited debate or sponsored speakers addressing such controversial issues as sexuality, religion, racial intimidation, crime, politics, drinking, animal rights, the use of firearms, environmental ethics, and other issues specific to a particular campus. Therefore, admissions and scholarship committee members are not strangers to these topics, and some members are even an integral part of the debates. Effective attention to controversial issues in one’s personal statement requires a writer who can handle nuance and audience in a sophisticated way. So much depends on the context for the discussion, and the writer who takes a stance on such issues in an application should have a good reason to do so.

As one example, note how one writer in Chapter 5 of this handbook addresses the issue of civil rights regardless of sexuality in her policy proposal for a Truman Scholarship. The Truman Scholarship seeks students who will be “agents of change” and requires applicants to write a mock proposal to a government official. Thus, by definition, students must take a stance on a potentially controversial topic. This student does so by first establishing that sexuality-based discrimination occurs, tying this practice directly to public opinion and policy. She cites sources ranging from the Journal of Counseling Psychology to recent testimony in a government hearing, showing that her convictions are grounded in research and awareness. In her boldest and most direct appeal to her target audience—a particular Republican senator—she states: “Your recent support of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act is commendable, but this bill is not sufficient.” Here, she shows herself to be both informed and opinionated. She purposely pushes.

In this case, the student has chosen to express her views on a topic of controversy in a context where sound argument defending her views is clearly welcomed, no matter the direction towards which her views lean. In fact, selection committee members are always looking for writers who can argue about difficult topics effectively—not for writers who necessarily share their personal views.

In cases where you create the context for the controversial topic yourself, perhaps because you genuinely see the issue as a driving force in your life, you simply need to be sure that you present yourself as informed, involved, and insightful. Wherever your personal and political views fall, show yourself as one invested in the struggle for such principles as fairness, justice, dignity, morality, truth, spirituality, safety, and tolerance, and trust that your readers will respect the struggle as long as you argue about it effectively. Show yourself as one whose views are shaped by experiences and information, and consider highlighting the benefits to others or to your profession if your views are accepted. Also, if you bring up controversial issues in a personal essay, you should certainly be ready to discuss them further in a follow-up interview.

In recent decades, academic programs and scholarship awards alike have taken a specific interest in increasing their diversity pool among candidates, paying special attention to fields where certain populations have been under-represented, such as women in engineering or African-Americans in medicine. Often, this specific interest is reflected right in the application, either in the form of a statement of commitment or a question inviting some discussion of how you as a candidate would contribute diversity to a particular program or discipline.

As one extensive example, study the following paragraph from the cover sheet used by the University of California, Santa Barbara, in its graduate application:

UC Santa Barbara is interested in a diverse and inclusive graduate student population. Please describe any aspects of your personal background, accomplishments, or achievements that you feel are important in evaluating your application for graduate study. For example, please describe if you have experienced economic challenges in achieving higher education, such as being financially responsible for family members or dependents, having to work significant hours during undergraduate schooling or coming from a family background of limited income. Please describe if you have any unusual or varied life experiences that might contribute to the diversity of the graduate group, such as fluency in other languages, experience living in bicultural communities, academic research interests focusing on cultural, societal, or educational programs as they affect underserved segments of society, or evidence of an intention to use the graduate degree toward serving disadvantaged individuals or populations.

In considering this issue, especially if the question response allows only one paragraph for a reply, note how other parts of the application will help to address issues of diversity or under-representation as well. Checkbox data including gender, ethic background, and citizenship will reveal relevant background information about you, along with lists of your chosen activities and membership in organizations. Select information for such lists accordingly, and consider ways that your essay material can complement or underscore these traits.

Also, carefully examine the wording of open-ended questions and determine whether they are trying to tease out information in a particular area. As a demonstration, note the variety in these questions adapted from different applications:

Write a short essay about a topic of importance to you.

What other personal information would you like to share with the scholarship review board?

The graduate program at Mythic College is especially interested in enhancing diversity among our students. Describe experiences in your background that would contribute to such diversity.

To determine the best answer to such questions, writers need to consider what information they have shared in other parts of the application, avoiding redundancy and favoring either emphasis or a fresh response that will draw favorable attention. Depending on context and your personal taste, all three of the above questions might legitimately get the same written response. What would be especially hurtful to the application, however, is if you choose to make no response at all to such a question and wrongly deem it irrelevant, sending the message that you self-define as both lazy and uninteresting.

In defining such areas as diversity, it is also important to think beyond categories of ethnic identity and gender. I’ve seen savvy students answer diversity questions by discussing themselves as a returning adult student, an engineer interested in law, a poet among scientists, one who daily manages a physical disability, a woman who has survived a life-threatening illness, a conservative Republican attending a highly liberal school, a horticulturalist living in the city, a speaker of three languages, a world traveler, an ROTC student, a man who aims to devote his life to service. Such responses not only draw our attention, they also show that the writer understands and embraces diversity in a way that is not narrowly defined—where diversity draws positive attention to both the individual and the collective.

Most importantly, share something truly individual about yourself in any diversity or open-ended question. Note how the following answer—excerpted from a Udall Scholarship application in Chapter 5 from a writer invited to share additional information—showcases how the writer perceives herself as a strong, driven individual.

I was raised by two strong women—my mother and my grandmother. Three generations of women living under one roof provided me with a unique experience while growing up. My mother was the first woman in my family to pursue higher education and continued her pursuit even after having a child. As I was growing up I watched her finish her nursing degree at Oakland University and begin a career in Neonatal Nursing. My interest in the sciences and the environment most definitely stemmed initially from my mother’s interest and passion for the subject. While my mother was attending classes and studying, my grandmother was my primary caregiver and she too encouraged my exploration and growth. Throughout my life, my mother and grandmother have continued to be my source of inspiration and encouragement.

Finally, recognize that some writers choose to give no specific space to issues of diversity or under-representation even when invited, either because they would prefer not to, they know that a reference of theirs will address the issue in a recommendation letter, or because they feel other issues are more worthy of their limited space. It’s possible in some cases that the option of silence may suit you well, as long as you’ve made a strong, complete application otherwise.

Rarely, but occasionally, while working with a student on a personal essay, I can’t help but wince. It’s a concerned, gut response to the student taking an unnecessary and unwise risk. The most ready example I recall is the day that one of my students spent an entire paragraph discussing a suicide attempt. And this student was no dummy—in fact, held a 3.9 GPA. What I’m sure happened was that the student misconstrued the context for the personal essay and interpreted it almost as a confessional opportunity. I’ve witnessed other students use the personal statement to stumble sloppily through discussions of the death of a pet, a protest rally that turned into a small riot, a bad case of lactose intolerance, a religious conversion, and ten years away from school “bumming around with a rock band.”

Writers who do this are often focusing on one small part of their application (such as a poor semester of grades) or something they view as so self-defining (such as a political cause) that they feel almost obliged to discuss the topic. But despite the writer’s personal agenda, audience and context are key here, with the astute writer only taking chances when the risk is clearly worth it. At the same time, as the following discussion makes clear, there are times when the uniqueness of your experience is indeed worth showcasing.

As reported in the book How to Write a Winning Personal Statement for Graduate and Professional School [41], the Stern School of Business at New York University does something a bit unusual in its application questions to applicants. As many programs do, the school uses a series of questions rather than just one, but the third question asks students to describe themselves to their classmates, allowing for some creative elbow room. The answers to this third question, says the Director of Admissions and Aid, are her favorite. Though most applicants simply write creative essays, others send in poems, games, puzzles—even cassette recordings or videotapes. Obviously, in most graduate applications, students don’t have such options when it comes to delivering the material. However, those with particularly interesting personal tales or educational paths should always look for ways to highlight them in writing.

Many schools pride themselves not only on their programs but on something flexible or specialized about the education they offer. My alma mater, Juniata College, has students build a “program of emphasis” rather than declare a major, allowing students to customize their program of study. St. John’s College engages all its students in a classics-grounded course of study “based in the great books of the Western tradition,” which includes four years of math and one year of music for all students. Mount Holyoke, an all-women’s college, has a program in speaking, writing, and arguing, and sponsors an annual intercollegiate poetry competition. Not all readers will know the details about these programs, and the personal statement provides a perfect opportunity for graduates of such programs to take advantage of interesting experiences built right into their education. Writers who flesh out such detail in their personal statements both educate their readers about their background and affiliate themselves with programs of earned reputation.

Other educational background worthy of consideration for your personal statement includes:

• Participation in a first-year or senior seminar, assuming the seminar was academic and required you to produce meaningful work and some deliverable product.
• Past academic scholarships and the criteria by which you won them, especially if they are competitive national awards.
• Any co-op or work experiences directly relevant to graduate study, especially if the work you did was integrated into senior thesis research.
• Study at more than one school or study abroad, in particular if you are fluent in multiple languages.
• Honors education classes or an honors thesis.
• The completion of an integrated bachelor’s/master’s program, with discussion of program particulars.
• Completion of a senior thesis, especially if some facet of the thesis research can be continued at graduate school.
• Educational training through the military or professional certification programs, with an emphasis on relevance to graduate study.
• A transfer of schools or a return to school after time away, emphasizing positive lessons learned from the experience and giving evidence of accomplishments and motivation.

Finally, sometimes writers have such interesting personal stories that they capture their audience just by sharing something meaningful about their lives. Interesting stories I’ve read about in personal statements include a man who grew up in four different countries while his parents worked for the Peace Corps, a blind student from South Korea who was adopted into an American family and completed an internship involving service to disabled high school students, a woman who left an international modeling career to return to school full-time, a student who completed a bachelor’s degree over an eight-year period while battling multiple sclerosis, a student whose father went to jail for the duration of the student's high school years, and a student who had placed a novel with a major publishing house at the age of 19. Such personal stories and accomplishments are too interesting, and in some cases too moving, not to share. As you compose your personal statement, mine your educational and personal experiences to be sure you’re not overlooking something of interest that will both define and uplift you in the eyes of your readers.

 

Many applications, especially those for law school and business school, ask students to explain some challenge they’ve overcome or even to discuss a failure in their lives. The best writers tend to handle this issue directly but creatively, discussing a challenge that doesn’t undermine their abilities or character and emphasizing positive lessons learned from the experience. An excellent example of how one writer handled this issue is in Chapter 4 of this handbook, within two essays written by a student in business. The writer frames his challenges within ultimately positive experiences—the completion of a 3500-mile bike trip and a successful team business project—so that he both answers the questions but keeps favorable attention on his accomplishments.

Even unprompted, many students—especially if they had a bad semester of grades, a prolonged illness, a personal crisis, a switch of majors, or took some time off from school—feel compelled to provide an explanation in their personal statement or elsewhere in their application. This can be risky, of course, because it may draw a disproportional amount of attention to something negative, and it may be unnecessary anyway. Consider whether an explanation is already taken care of by the circumstances (such as one poor semester during sophomore year followed by two years of high grades in your major) or whether the matter might be best handled by a sympathetic advisor writing you a letter of recommendation (who can be encouraged to explain the issue for you if privy to the necessary information). Weigh carefully the decision to reveal anything negative unprompted, and discuss it with a trusted advisor.

An interesting window into the kinds of challenges students discuss in writing is provided in examples from Donald Asher’s popular book Graduate Admissions Essays [44]. Here, students reveal the following tales in their personal essays:

• Working 35 hours per week for five years to finance community college without taking out a student loan.
• Taking a job as a court interpreter before applying to law school to gain some relevant experience.
• Working in a West African village and experiencing language barriers, distrust, and cross-cultural embarrassment.
• Juggling the simultaneous experiences of being a student athlete, a resident assistant, and a class president.
• Starting a service program for disadvantaged high school students only to find that some of those students didn’t show up for their appointed meetings.
• An acknowledgment of good study skills lacking in the first two years of college study, followed by a gradually rising GPA.

In all these cases, of course, the writers focused on the value of these experiences and stressed eventual success even among some admitted mishaps. Such willingness to discuss one’s personal challenges—and in the process admit a propensity to take on too much, or confess a naiveté about the world, or realize that lofty goals must sometimes be adjusted to reality—can go a long way in gaining a selection committee’s trust.

At times, you’ll be faced with uncertainty about how to complete parts of an application or about whether you’ve followed the proper protocol for processing. This is especially true for students who must submit material online or in pdf form (sometimes without acknowledgment of successful transfer of material), and for those who, even after considering the relevant material elsewhere in this chapter, choose to leave something blank or incomplete. Here, the help of an academic advisor, scholarships director, or a staff member at the target program is in order. Assuming you’ve done your best to follow directions and research your options, there is never harm in a focused e-mail or phone call to a staff member to decide how to handle an uncertainty or check on a submitted application’s status.

As a final assurance regarding this topic, I’ve known students who have been accepted to grad school even when their application did not include the required number of reference letters, when they sent an application in a word processing program forbidden by the target program, and when they took the chance of leaving some questions unanswered. In all these cases, the students either felt that the risk they took was unavoidable or they checked with an authority about how to handle the circumstances. By taking small risks or admitting uncertainty, we sometimes gain exception.

Like the resume, the personal statement has evolved to the point where there are both built-in and commonly used stylistic devices as well as room for individuality and creativity. And as with the resume, there are appropriate ways to word certain material and there are certain risks not worth taking. The very language you use and the rhetorical approach you take can be guided by the informed practices of others.

Avoiding Formalities and Generic Phrases

Many writers feel the need to use excessive formalities and niceties within personal statements, partly because they’ve seen others do so and partly because they worry that the weight of the occasion calls for refined or austere language. Thus, we find statements such as the following in personal essays, often in the opening or closing:

It is with great pride and deep respect that I hereby do apply for the honor of the Rhodes Scholarship. Herewith you will find my complete application materials.

I sincerely hope that the graduate committee of Mythic University deems my application worthy of full consideration so that I may contribute to a program already deserving of its national reputation.

The problem with these examples should be painfully obvious. In the first case, the committee already knows what applicants are seeking, so the generic sentences become useless; in the second case—an elliptical construct—the writer unintentionally insults readers, as though they might not give every application equal consideration or as if they are unaware of their program’s own reputation.

Avoid such mannerly drivel. Instead, assume a respectful, individual tone throughout your writing, and trust that you will be treated both respectfully and individually. When tempted towards formalities, take a cue from some of the writers showcased in Chapter 5 of this handbook, whose formal comments on their fit for their respective scholarships are both meaningful and self-reflective, as follows:

I look forward to the challenges that this project presents as well as the opportunities for further maturation as a practicing scientist.

Ensconcing myself in British culture, intellectual environment, and vigorous research at Oxford is the chance of a lifetime. I hope to be able to seize it.

Effective Jargon and Informality

In general, jargon is underrated. Jargon—the specialized language of a discipline—is so often overused or used poorly that it gets a bad rap. However, to use jargon economically and effectively is to show that you are an “insider,” comfortable with the vocabulary and discourse of your field of study. To create written context where jargon is the natural choice also promotes an efficiency of understanding and a direct connection with the reader. For instance, in the extensive sample essay from biological science in Chapter 4, the specialized but simple term “invasives” is used instead of “pest species that invade an area.” In an essay from a military pilot in the same chapter, terms such as “biplanes” are used comfortably, as are acronyms such as NGA and GIS, suggesting that the writer is having an informed, relaxed conversation within a specialized community—thus there is no need to define simple specialized terms that the audience can readily understand. These writers use jargon to save their readers time and to communicate directly and professionally.

At the same time, there are other good reasons to converse informally in a personal statement, as follows:

1. to facilitate clear narrative;
2. to involve yourself as a character in the action;
3. to provide contrast to the denser surrounding material.

In the essay written by a military pilot cited above, the writer refers to “challenges [he] faced as an undergrad,” notes that he “can do little to affect Congressional funding,” and wryly comments, “I don’t expect the military to begin training squadrons of GIS wizards.” Here, the writer shows the courage to be plain speaking and informal, sending the message that he can comfortably shoot from the hip.

Of course, both jargon and informalities can be overused and can be inappropriate for your target audience, and if readers feel that jargon is used only to impress or that informalities turn too colloquial, they will only be annoyed by your style. But when you manage both jargon and informalities sparingly and with purpose your audience will barely notice—they’ll be too busy reading comfortably.

Using Narrative and Anecdotes

Compact stories and nifty narratives, especially in the opening of a personal statement, can communicate efficiently and creatively with your readers, while potentially providing welcome relief during the reading of hundreds of application essays that strongly resemble each other. Some stories put us right in the moment alongside the writer:

“When I received my first microscope set at the age of eight, I couldn’t wait to swab the inside of my cheek and smear my cells on a slide.”

Others invite us directly into the writer’s mind:

“I remember thinking about the long, cold nights that Edwin Hubble spent staring into the telescope at the Mt. Wilson Observatory.”

Still others surprise us and create a bit of suspense:

“Some protestors around me carried large flashlights; I clutched a bullhorn.”

These examples, all imbedded within personal essays written by students, represent how writers used narrative snippets to engage and inform the reader. Note how these examples do more than just narrate—they also underscore the writer’s passion for a field of study or a commitment to a cause. When you use small tales to capture our attention, be sure they are both relevant and revealing, so that we’re impressed not just with your ability to tell a quick story, but also your desire to tell a meaningful one.

Avoiding Cuteness and Gimmicks

Especially when using narrative or setting your sights on originality, it can be easy to lapse into a voice that is merely trite and cute. In Mark Allen Stewart’s book, How to Write the Perfect Personal Statement [47], such a lapse is critiqued by the Dean of Admissions at the UCLA School of Law as follows:

Humor is fine; it’s a welcome break, as long as it is actually humorous. I hate seeing essays that begin with something like: “In the matter before the court of UCLA, regarding the admission of . . .” Everyone who uses this approach thinks it’s unique, but it’s not.

Other misguided gimmicks that a surprising number of writers attempt when writing personal essays:

• Listing the impressive icons—probably long since dead—who have graduated from your school, blatantly placing yourself amongst their ranks. This may be good PR for your institution, but it’s bad PR for you.
• Sprinkling your essay with 50-cent vocabulary, obviously aided by a thesaurus. Choose the best word for the circumstances, not the fanciest.
• Bleeding your heart all over the page, as though your compassion or sensibilities or literary muscles have simply overtaken the writing process. I’ve seen students write about “dripping in agony” over an exam, or “languishing with deep-infested guilt” while watching a hungry child eat a meal. Such writing is obviously overwrought, and readers will worry that its writer is as well.
• Referring to yourself throughout the essay in the third person and telling some tragic or heroic tale, then revealing at the end that the essay’s humble protagonist is (surprise) indeed you. Such a tactic is not only gimmicky and self-indulgent, but transparent.

There are also gimmicks of form, as discussed in the Mark Allen Stewart book cited above: medical school applicants submitting essays in the form of a diagnosis; applicants who submit essays in leather binding, on parchment scrolls, or written in calligraphy; business school applicants with essays structured like a corporate prospectus.

Such gimmicks are meant to be cute, obviously, but it is doubtful that a selection committee would find them to be anything but odd. In fact, readers would likely question your suitability for graduate study if you stoop to such gimmickry. To put it bluntly but truthfully: children and puppies are cute; grad students are not. Remember that.

 

Without question, the most common place for writers to exercise their freedom in personal statements, as well as the most common place where writers feel uncertain about what they’ve done, is in their beginnings. Even personal statements that are scientific in tone and content might have creative beginnings. Although there’s nothing wrong with a straightforward opening simply stating your purpose, especially if you have just one page for your essay, most writers take a bolder tack. Readers of personal statements are used to openings that tell stories or borrow quotations, essays that discuss relevant current events, and even daring writers who risk a bit of well-conceived humor or surprise.

Personal Stories

As the most common creative beginning, a personal story tells a tale by briefly setting a scene, often capturing some formative moment of your past when your interest in your course of study blossomed. Whether setting the scene in a classroom or on a mountaintop, remember that your goal is make readers feel they are there with you, and remember that the setting itself can be a character in your “short story”—influencing both the action and a response to that action.

Here is a perfect example of a lengthy creative beginning that winds its way into a formal thesis statement, excerpted from a Rhodes Scholarship essay in Chapter 5:

Soaked in sweat, I sat deep in thought on the small mound of sand and broken rocks in northern Kenya, where 1.7 million years ago a desperately ill Homo erectus woman had died. Her death had entranced me for years. KNM-ER 1808 had died of Hypervitaminosis A, wherein an overdose of Vitamin A causes extensive hemorrhaging throughout the skeleton and excruciating pain. Yet a thick rind of diseased bone all over her skeleton—ossified blood clots—tells that 1808 lived for weeks, even months, immobilized by pain and in the middle of the African bush. As noted in The Wisdom of the Bones, by Walker and Shipman, that means that someone had cared for her, brought her water, food, and kept away predators. At 1.7 million years of age, 1808’s mere pile of bones is a breathtaking, poignant glimpse of how people have struggled with disease over the ages. Since that moment two summers ago, I’ve been fascinated by humans’ relationship with disease. I want to research paleopathology, the study of ancient diseases, in relation to human culture, specifically sex and gender.

Note how this opening confidently integrates technical detail and even slips in an informal citation on the journey to the thesis. Here, setting acts as a character, moving our story’s protagonist to imagine a woman’s long-ago death, and we also recognize the writer’s seriousness of purpose about her work as she (as a character in the tale) contemplates the woman’s fate from a “small mound of sand and broken rocks in northern Kenya.” Just as she was taken to this important place and moment in her life, we are taken there with her as well through narrative.

Here is another example from an introduction to a student's application to medical school:

When I was little my grandfather gave me piggyback rides, brought me donuts every day when he came home from work, and taught me about nature. A simple farmer who survived World War II and lived most of his life under Russian occupation, he told me why trees grow so high, why I should not pull a cow by its ear, and why I should not chase chickens across the back yard. As fond as I was of him, as I grew and became more educated I also saw how this great man made bad choices about his health. I constantly nagged him about his smoking and poor diet. He loved bacon with eggs and milk straight from the cow. In response to my nagging he would simply say, "Eh, you are so young, what do you know?" One morning after breakfast when I was sixteen, he had a heart attack and died in the kitchen while waiting for an ambulance to arrive.

Here we find a writer who simultaneously evokes the memory of his beloved grandfather and also introduces us to his own sensibility. Simple details about his simple upbringing make up a brief but vivid tale with a tragic end, and thus we understand a very personal motivation behind this writer's choice of career.

Other essays open with much briefer and less narrative personal stories, sometimes relying on just one line to set the context, with the writer heading to a purpose statement shortly thereafter. Here are some straightforward but artful beginnings to personal statements from Donald Asher’s book Graduate Admissions Essays [44]:

I attended seventeen different schools before high school.

I spent the morning of my eighteenth birthday in an auditorium with two hundred strangers.

Radio has been my passion for as long as I can remember.

Clearly, the style of an opening that shares a personal story can range from the flashy to the plain—what matters most is that the opening truly is personal.

Compelling Quotations

Like many writers and readers, I’m a sucker for a good meaty quotable quote, which is part of why quotations are used to open each chapter of this handbook. We tape handwritten quotes on our bathroom mirrors, clip them onto the visors in our cars, and paste them into our e-mail signature lines. In a personal essay, not only do quotes set context for the reader, they also allow you to ride on the broad shoulders of another who actually managed to say or write something that was worth quoting. Quotations might be used at the start of the essay, in the closing, or they might appear at a key moment within the body as a way to set context or emphasize a point. In Chapter 5 of this handbook, a quotation is used as an opening to a science-related essay by an applicant for a National Science Foundation Fellowship. In the same chapter, another writer uses a narrative opening in her essay to repeat a favorite quote that her mother used to say: “To find out where you’re going, you need to know where home is.”

Keep in mind that some quotations are highly overused and that quotations can also come off as merely trite and silly, depending on the taste of the reader. Some find Forrest Gump’s “Life is like a box of chocolates” hilarious; others just groan when they hear it. If using a quotation, be sure that you’re not just propping yourself up on it as an apology for a lack of substance to your text. Comment on the quotation’s relevance to your life rather than just let it sit there, and choose the most meaningful quote for the circumstances rather than one that simply tickles your fancy.

The Use of Surprise or Humor

Indeed, the weapon of surprise is a key ingredient in a Monty Python skit about the Spanish Inquisition [51] (no one expects it, just in case you forgot). But in a personal statement humor and surprise can fall flat in the hands of a fumbling writer. Nevertheless, some writers take these calculated risks, and do so with style. Witness this passage from a sample essay in Chapter 4, as a film student explains how he spent his freshman year in a different major:

With a high school education grounded rigorously in math and science, I entered Mythic University on an academic scholarship with Polymer Science and Engineering as my intended major. I like to joke that, after seeing Mike Nichols’ film The Graduate and hearing that terrific line, “plastics,” delivered poolside to a wayward Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman), I was inadvertently led into the hands of the great polymer Satan. But, by sophomore year, I quickly escaped the plastic devil’s clasp and found a new home in the film department.

Here, this student uses self-deprecating humor as many do in the personal statement: to explain what might otherwise look like a curiosity in his background. Readers need not question his devotion to film despite his beginning in the sciences—he even blends the two interests together by being influenced into his initial major by a film, aligning himself briefly and humorously with the hapless character of Benjamin Braddock.

Others use humor or surprise less expansively, but again with the purpose of revealing something personal and using intentional self-commentary. In Mark Allen Stewart’s How to Write the Perfect Personal Statement, [47] one writer quips that his high school classmates voted him “Most likely to have a publishable resume,” which shows that this writer can simultaneously poke fun at and uplift himself. In Donald Asher’s Graduate Admissions Essays [44]. Another writer opens her essay unconventionally with a surprising admission—“Skeletons. Like everyone else I have some hanging in my closet”—then later reveals herself as a “survivor of sexual assault.” Here, the writer’s tone is surprisingly frank, which under the circumstances could help her be viewed as mature and courageous, despite the risk she takes.

Part of what unifies these disparate approaches above is that the writers clearly know they are taking a risk with their rhetoric—there’s nothing accidental or highly cutesy about it. All of them reveal a passion for their chosen fields, and the humor and surprise are attention-getting without being too distracting.

Perhaps a good rule of thumb, then, is this: If using humor or surprise, aim it squarely at yourself without making yourself look silly or undermining your character, and dispense with it quickly rather than push it over the top. No matter how well you tell a joke, some readers may not care for it. And remember that not everyone likes, or even "gets," Monty Python.

Topical Context

It’s often said that one of the best ways to prepare for an interview for a national scholarship is to read The New York Times and be ready to discuss current events. If you make it to the interview selection stage, it’s already clear that you have an excellent academic record and look good on paper. What’s unclear is how you will present in person. By showing yourself to be not just committed to your field but also knowledgeable about the world, you paint yourself as a mature thinker, an informed citizen, a responsible student of life.

In a personal statement, writers typically create topical context by narrating a recent event of some consequence, citing a respected source, or simply establishing an arena for discussion. “Martial arts and medicine,” opens one personal essay from Richard Stelzer’s How to Write a Winning Personal Statement for Graduate and Professional School [41], using an intentional sentence fragment to grab our attention and to crisply define two intertwined themes in the writer’s life. Other essays—the first from the Asher book and the second from the Stelzer book cited above—lend a sense of importance to their subject matter through topical references:

As I write this statement, Governor Mario Cuomo makes preparations to vacate the Executive Mansion in Albany, New York, after New Yorkers rejected his appeal for another term.

As the United States launched yet another small war in a distant corner of the globe, Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen returned to life and captivated a hometown audience in Pekin, Illinois, with the folksy eloquence that made him nationally famous.

As these politically savvy allusions show, writers who use topical references impress upon their readers that they are both informed and concerned. Here, the color of one’s political stripes is irrelevant—what matters is that they are painted clearly. Whether employing a political reference or citing a current event, when you create topical context you represent yourself as a keen observer of the world.

 

Take a tip from Einstein. In one of his famous papers published in 1905 when he was 25 years old, “On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies,” [54] he completely transformed our understanding of physical laws and introduced his theory of relativity. In order to do this, he first proposed that the laws of physics are absolute, then he made both time and distance relative. Equations aside, to help us accept what was then an unthinkably brash concept, he wrote about how we merely understand time as a condition of simultaneity:

We have to take into account that all our judgments in which time plays a part are always judgments of simultaneous events. If, for instance, I say, “That train arrives here at 7 o’clock,” I mean something like this: “The pointing of the small hand of my watch to 7 and the arrival of the train are simultaneous events.”

Note what Einstein turns to as he aims to help us re-invent our notion of time: trains and clocks. In other words, he uses comparisons to things that we see as everyday. In particular when we contemplate science, we turn to comparisons—often by using similes, metaphors, or analogies—to simplify and to define. Such comparisons, when deployed well, can have the impact of the proverbial “light bulb” illumination for our readers—they understand suddenly, and hopefully they agree. And even if they disagree with our ideas—and Einstein’s paper on relativity was first rejected in its dissertation form, so take comfort—they have to consider them carefully.

Well-made comparisons, then, make us think, and the rhetorical tools by which we compare, such as metaphor, are handy, well-established, and universal. In fact, to explain what happened to him in 1905 with the explosion of his seminal papers and the birth of the world’s most famous equation, Einstein even used a metaphor: “A storm broke loose in my mind,” he famously said.

Providing Definitions

An important consideration in writing personal statements is when to provide definitions of key terms and concepts. The decision can be driven largely by audience and context, based on your audience’s likely level of understanding of the subject matter and the importance of the definition to the context of your essay.

At times, the material itself will be technical enough and important enough to context that you will need to supply a quick definition, as in this excerpt from a personal essay about neuroscience appearing in Chapter 4:

One of the projects I worked on during that summer was developing a diagnostic procedure for HIV encephalitis using PK11195, a ligand for the peripheral benzodiazepine receptor present on the mitochondria of macrophages.

Here, the definition of PK11195 is important to audience and context—both of which are clearly scientific—and the efficient wording demonstrates that the writer is both comfortable with the language of science and understands her project. In this same essay, however, the writer did not specifically define “HIV encephalitis,” “ligand,” and “pathogenesis,” fully aware that her audience members would already be familiar with these terms.

A further example from Chapter 4, written by a student studying medieval literature, is a more conversational and expansive definition:

Ogam is not a spoken language, rather, a code of inscriptions that gave the Irish language an alphabet and supplied the Irish people with a means of writing on stone, wood, and other natural elements with relative ease.

In this essay, the writer’s goal is to study Ogam in graduate school, so she supplies a contextual and historical explanation of its meaning in plain, direct language.

For help in supplying definitions, don’t hesitate to turn to authoritative sources, including your advisors and dictionaries specific to your field, citing your sources as needed.

Making Fundamental Comparisons

In addition to definition as a stylistic device, one of the best ways to make fundamental comparisons in writing is by using analogies, similes, and metaphors. Analogies, similes, and metaphors can be used to compare unlike but arguably similar things, either by implicit or explicit comparison. Such comparisons help aid our understanding and can be used to clarify or strengthen an argument, and they do so with efficiency. As with definitions, issues of audience and context help guide us in deciding when to employ these devices.

Here, we need not worry about exact distinctions among similes, metaphors, and analogies, other than a reminder that when we use them we often rely on phrasings such as “like” or “as,” and that when we make a fairly loose comparison we might use quotation marks around the words whose meaning we’re “stretching” (as I just did). Here are just a few commonly used similes, metaphors, and analogies from various disciplines:

In discussions of grammar, we might refer to a colon as acting like a flare in the road—a symbolic promise that something important is coming. A semicolon in a sentence’s middle acts like a caesura does in music or verse—as a timely pause linking two related parts.

In biology, mitochondria are often referred to metaphorically as the powerhouse of the cell, while the liver is loosely referred to as the body’s “garbage can.”

In discussing fungi, there’s a bright yellow fungus that grows on wet logs in the northwestern US, and it can be compared visually to a pat of melting butter. Underground, the roots of some mushrooms resemble the legs of a toe-standing ballet dancer.

In information technology discussions, we often speak of cyberspace as a metaphorically parallel world, with clipboards for saving information, surfing as virtual travel, and gophers allowing us to tunnel through to some desired goal.

As examples from personal essays written by students, what follows are a few fundamental comparisons that writers made through analogy, simile, and metaphor, with their surrounding material further explaining the comparisons. Notice how none of the comparisons are difficult to grasp, but all are illuminating.

These ripples of space-time curvature, called gravity waves, are radiated outward much like ripples in a pond.

The model uses the compartmentalized cascade to treat the intrinsic pathway as a “black box” leading to the output of thrombin in the common pathway.

I established a home for myself in a metaphysical and emotional space: the space where my family, passions, and goals all intersect.

As these writers did, when composing personal essays you should consider the similes, metaphors, and analogies available—even if they are commonly used—as efficient ways to demonstrate stylistic creativity, represent your understanding of a topic, describe related phenomena, and discuss fundamental concepts important to your field.

Good writers seem almost to compose by faith and intuition, confident that their instincts rather than their knowledge of grammar will guide them towards the best diction and syntax. When we write well, we learn to “feel” our way through an essay rather than pull up a rote system of rules and regulations to guide us.

That said, many find it helpful to turn to lists when they write, either because they find the word they’re looking for on the list or because the act inspires them to think in relation to a class of words they’re looking for. In fact, as writers become more specialized within a field, they turn again and again to mental or physical word lists to write effectively. Read a good weather forecast and you’ll find the weather patterns described with such active verbs as “hammered,” “trounced,” “sliced,” and “eased.” Read a good sportscast and you’ll find gleeful discussions of how a losing team was “throttled,” “bashed,” “whipped,” or “humiliated.”

Active verbs in particular are useful tools for writers of personal essays, because they help you to (1) efficiently summarize your achievements, and (2) describe relevant phenomena, which may be in the form of research that you’ve completed. Below is a list of commonly used active verbs in these two categories, organized randomly to emphasize that these lists are not to be used in the way that many blindly use a thesaurus—as though one verb can be swapped for another. In fact, in assembling these lists I chose verbs that are unlike each other in meaning, to emphasize that writers should always be aware of both the denotations and connotations of their chosen words. Consider both the meaning and usage of any active verbs you choose to be certain that your writing has maximum muscle. When unsure of a verb’s usage and meaning, always look it up in a well-thumbed dictionary.

Table of Verbs

Verbs to Summarize Achievements		Verbs to Describe Phenomena
Achieved Determined Observed Managed Inspired Checked Empowered Allocated Lectured Encouraged Analyzed Validated Enforced Provided Measured Engineered Conveyed Appraised Denounced Led Diagnosed Communicated Computed Translated Mediated Supervised Systematized Persuaded Calculated Prioritized Navigated Screened Simplified Originated Counseled Indexed	Integrated Presented Witnessed Recorded Demonstrated Catalogued Implemented Controlled Generated Improved Taught Converted Improvised Pioneered Improved Invented Effected Grouped Experimented Judged Defined Modeled Researched Facilitated Transcribed Recommended Maintained Advised Interviewed Undertook Noted Verified Sorted Wrote Founded Tabulated	Discharged Exchanged Emitted Converged Invaded Bonded Deposited Oriented Accelerated Interacted Transmitted Mixed Quickened Originated Enriched Saturated Restored Superimposed Crystallized Transferred Halted Behaved Plunged Fused Evolved Ascended Bisected Disintegrated Mutated Accessed Stood Overlapped Competed Forced Led Separated	Curbed Collapsed Coalesced Isolated Fractured Elongated Absorbed Scattered Propelled Radiated Bombarded Deteriorated Permeated Ceased Lagged Circulated Divided Ruptured Propelled Disseminated Surrounded Constrained Slowed Traversed Rotated Fell Cut Penetrated Linked Froze Exerted Fought Exuded Guided Inverted Exchanged

In personal essays, often the best transitions are simply contextual and straightforward, especially if you’re working under the constraint of a low word count. For instance, to discuss graduate research plans, you might simply open a sentence with “For my graduate research, I plan to . . . .” In broader circumstances, to transition from one idea to another, writers turn to the list below—handy because the transitions are sorted by function, emphasizing the work they do. When choosing a transition from this list, focus on providing connective tissue that moves us through time, provides example or interpretation, or advances argument.

Table of Commonly Used Transition Words

Interpretation	Fortunately Interestingly Significantly Surprisingly
Closure	Finally In sum On the whole
Causality	Accordingly Consequently For this reason Hence Therefore Thus
Similarity	In the same way Likewise Similarly
Amplification	Again Also Equally important First, Second, etc. Further In addition Moreover
Emphasis	Above all Certainly Clearly Indeed In fact In short Obviously Of course
Example	For example For instance To illustrate
Time	Afterward Earlier Next Simultaneously Soon
Contrast	In contrast However Nevertheless On the contrary On the other hand Still
Detail	In essence In particular In relation to Impressively Namely Specifically

 

In general, good writers love to revise. It gives them a sense of accomplishment, and they find it easier or more satisfying than composing a first draft. I once revised a short story that I wrote over a two-year period, whittling it down from 35 pages to 13, dropping a character, changing the central theme, and ultimately producing one of my most well-published pieces. Some writers even revise their work after it’s been published, just for themselves, nagged by some imperfection they perceive or based on how their readers have reacted.

Of course, when you write a personal statement or application essay, you don’t have the luxury (or curse) of endless opportunities to revise. Nevertheless, you do have to expect that your first draft of the material might require multiple re-readings and revisions to be ready for submission. My best student writers tend to report that they re-read and revise their personal essays at least seven times, even if they change only one word or two each time, and they seek feedback from professors, advisors, Writing Center tutors, Career Services staff, friends, and even their parents. As they revise, they consider how to effectively use their space, tailor their content, perfect their grammar and mechanics, and improve their tone. As the discussions that follow will show, these principles are often tightly related to one another.

Revising for Space

When revising to save space or meet a word count, the first tactic is to think in physical terms. If your essay runs just a few lines over a boundary, look carefully at your paragraphs. Often, an entire line might be taken up by just a word or two, and shortening that paragraph accordingly can save a line. Of course, in physical terms, you can also experiment slightly with font and form, but keep in mind that astute readers will be critical of anything that is physically difficult to read because of how you managed space.

More important in revising for space is for you to look at your material holistically and ask yourself if any essay part is taking up more proportional space than it should or is simply too long to justify its value. I once worked with a student who was having trouble conforming to her word count, so we looked at her first draft carefully for any weak areas, deciding that her introduction wasn’t really worth the space it took up. Here was her original introduction:

There are moments in my day when students buzz by like bees do, I take a confused pause and ask myself: oh no, where am I going? The pause is almost unnoticeable, nevertheless daunting. Of course, the quick answers are: the student union, class, work, and a never ending list of meetings. However the larger question looms over my body as I hustle to register students to vote and plan more ways to increase political awareness on campus. I used to dread the exploration of my future possibilities; this looming entity was a cloud ready to break apart and drown me in a rainstorm. Despite my love of running around in rainstorms, I found more comfort in my mother’s words: to find out where you’re going, you need to know where home is.

Upon reflection, the writer realized that not only was the opening lengthy, it was also redundant with other parts of the application. Readers would learn plenty about her energy and political activism in her resume and list of activities. And as far as the introduction’s creativity, the writer realized she was just using it to show off a bit, and in the process using clichés (“students buzz by like bees”) and providing irrelevant detail (her “love of running around in rainstorms”).

Fortunately, this writer spared her readers and hacked her introduction down to the material that was the most original—her mother’s comforting words, which were a central theme in her essay. Her revised introduction read thus:

I have always found comfort in my mother’s words: to find out where you’re going, you need to know where home is.

Much nicer—crisp, interesting, and meaningful. By revising six sentences down to one, the writer emphasized what she cared about most in her original introduction, which also turned out to be the material that was the most personal.

Revising for Content

Recognizing the audience’s need for content, especially guided by the application question criteria you’re addressing in a personal essay, you should always consider ways to revise that will provide further substance. For instance, knowing from the application question that his readers were interested in specific details about his planned master’s research, one writer changed this:

As part of my master’s research at Mythic College I am interested in the information overload issue—it can cause anxiety, poor decision-making, and reduced attention span.

. . . to this:

For my master’s thesis at Mythic College I plan to focus on cognitive architectures that allow us to make simulations of and predictions about human performance in situations such as driving vehicles or piloting fighter aircraft.

In this revision, we learn much more meaningful information about the planned research, including the practical applications of the work. Thus, we are more likely to assess that this student is indeed ready to begin his research.

As this example demonstrates, revising for content is usually about providing more concrete detail based on audience needs, keeping in mind that the content you choose reveals you as a person, as a thinker, and as a student. The more these three parts can be blended together through your content revisions, the better.

Revising for Grammar and Mechanics

Like many teachers, I sometimes urge my students to read their work aloud as a proofing tactic and so that they can literally hear how their writing might sound to others. This can be very effective, in that it helps you listen to your own sentence rhythms, sense gaps in logic, intuit where punctuation is needed, and identify words that you’re misusing or overusing. However, a curious problem surfaces with this practice. Writers who read their work aloud tend to insert words that aren’t really there on the page, or substitute correct words for incorrect ones, not even realizing they’re doing it. Cognitively, what’s happening is that they’re revising, effectively and automatically, even if someone else looking over their shoulder at the printed work has to point it out to them.

The key to revising your work for grammar (both word choice and wording) and mechanics (small but important matters such as punctuation) is to, in effect, listen to your work anew. The best writers adopt an objective “listening ear,” learning to detect their problems of grammar and mechanics both intuitively and methodically, pretending they’re encountering the work for the first time no matter how many times they’ve re-read it.

Meanwhile, you can count on two things: (1) we tend to repeat the same errors over and over in our writing, and (2) other writers make the same errors we do. If we have one comma error in an essay, we’re likely to have others; if we have a particular usage problem such as the distinction between “affect” and “effect,” we can be sure other writers have it too. Therefore, by studying the most common errors and revising accordingly, we’re likely to improve our work substantially. And when we make particularly common errors in our personal essays (such as confusing “it’s” with “its”), our audience is justified in viewing us as lazy and unthinking, in that such errors are so easy to reason through and correct.

Grammatically, writers tend to make their most obvious errors in these areas:

Subject/verb agreement, which can usually be addressed by identifying each subject and verb in your sentences, ignoring the other words mentally, and making certain that they match in number and sound. Also, remember that the word “and” linking two subjects makes them plural (“Grammar and mechanics are related”), and that when subjects are connected by the word “or” the subject closer to the verb determines the verb’s number (“Either the punctuation marks or the usage is flawed”).

Verb tense, which must be considered both for consistency and context. Writers can switch verb tenses within a paragraph as long as the context calls for it, but unnatural shifts in verb tense stand out loudly (“The sample was heated and then cool before storage”). As a general principle, the simplest verb tense should be chosen for the circumstances (avoid “has,” “have,” and “had” as helpers except when necessary), and favor the present tense when possible (it brings the material “closer” to the reader).

Runs-ons and fragments, which can again be addressed by identifying your subjects and verbs, and in some cases by assessing sentence length.

Commonly confused terms, which are easy to look up in any style handbook, and therefore a potential source of great irritation to your educated readers. Just to rehearse and briefly describe a few, “affect” is usually a verb meaning "to influence," while “effect” is usually a noun meaning "outcome" or "result." “It’s,” of course, always means "it is," while “its” always shows possession. The abbreviation “e.g.” is Latin for exempli gratia and means “for example,” while “i.e.” is Latin for id est and means “that is.” The word “imply” means "to suggest" or "to indicate," while “infer” involves a person actively applying deduction. The word “that” is used to define and limit a noun’s meaning, while “which” is used to provide descriptive information not central to the noun’s definition.

From a mechanics standpoint, writers do themselves a great favor by learning to understand punctuation conceptually and fundamentally, as follows:

A comma is a separator. Therefore, when you use one you should identify why the material is worthy of separation. Common reasons include that you used a transition word that creates a natural pause, you wrote a lengthy, complex sentence with multiple subjects and verbs, and that you supplied a list of three or more related items or phrases in a row. All three of these reasons helped me punctuate this paragraph with commas.

A colon is an arrow pointing forward. It tells us that new information, which is promised by the wording before it, is about to arrive. The colon is especially handy for introducing an announced piece of evidence, a focused example, or a list. Contrary to popular belief, the colon can be used to point us forward to a single word or to an entire sentence. My favorite example of the former is an old George Carlin joke: “Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”

A semicolon is a mark of co-dependency. This mark is so often mentally confused with the colon that I am often forced to repeat to my students: “The colon is two dots; the semicolon is a comma below a dot.” (Though it’s sad to have to say it, at least the explanation actually involves a semicolon.) As my explanation demonstrates, the semicolon is usually used to join phrases or sentences having grammatical equivalency, and it emphasizes that the joined parts are related, even co-dependent, in context.

A dash redefines what was just said. I’m amazed at how many writers simply don’t use the dash at all—except excessively in e-mails—because they’re afraid of it. But the dash is a powerful way to make an important aside, as I did above, and to tack on an additional comment of consequence—a comment that redefines. When typing the dash, be certain that you don’t type a hyphen, but two hyphens in a row or a long bar (which Word is perfectly happy to provide automatically as you juxtapose two typed hyphens or via its pull-down symbol map).

Speaking of Word, by all means do use the grammar checker to test grammar and mechanics in your personal essay, but don’t trust it blindly. To state the obvious, the grammar checker does not think, and it doesn’t know the contextual difference between, say, “mescaline” (an illegal hallucinogen) and the word “miscellaneous.” I choose this particular example because one of my students once accidentally claimed on her resume that she was in charge of “mescaline responsibilities” at her summer job. With that one slip, she could have worried and alienated both her former employer and her future one.

Revising for Tone

Put simply, tone is the writer’s attitude towards the subject. We discern the writer’s tone by both the words chosen and the content selected, and in personal statements many writers unknowingly send the wrong message about themselves because of their tone. They often do this because they feel they should explain some blemish on their record (“It took me a long time to decide on the right major”) or because they mistakenly think that arrogance might be taken as confidence (“I invented a totally new method of scientific research”). Instead, such writers are likely to be perceived as indecisive and lacking in confidence in the first case, and hubristic and naive in the second.

If I had to boil the issue of tone in personal statements down to one word, it would be this: affirmation. Your job is to affirm—what is true, what you’ve accomplished, what you value, how you think, how you see the world, what your plans are, what your research means, what program you’d like to attend, and so on. Too many writers focus on the negative, stressing their uncertainties, their doubts, and even their failures. There’s always a positive way to spin a point—watch the spin doctors and politicians on television news shows if you need a primer—and in a personal statement a positive, affirmative tone is critical.

As examples, here are some sentences taken from personal essays that I’ve read, but altered so that they’re spun as negatives:

I only completed a generalist degree in a field called earth sciences, which gives you a little bit of everything without any real specializations.

Unfortunately, government red tape and bureaucracy are intertwined with how we learn about our environment in school.

My long-term goals remain uncertain, but I feel very sure that I don’t want to be a professor.

Though these are altered to make a point, many personal statements do contain such negative attitudes, with writers unwisely expressing dark feelings about themselves and towards the very fields in which they plan to study. Here are the positively spun versions of the same sentences, as they originally appeared:

As a scientist, my training began in earth sciences—a bachelor’s degree combination of geography, meteorology, and geoscience.

Many of our existing federal ecosystem management protocols are based on a rich tradition of physiographic study.

My future plans lean more towards industry and research than academia.

As you revise personal essays, concentrate on exuding an affirmative, positive tone. Be upbeat but not overbearing. Explain but don’t equivocate. Be realistic but not pessimistic. Speak confidently but don’t brag. Be idealistic but not naive. Tell the truth about yourself and your background but don’t apologize for either.

Do all this in your tone, and your readers may pay you the simple compliment most commonly coveted by writers: “I like your style.”

 

Below is a pdf link to personal statements and application essays representing strong efforts by students applying for both undergraduate and graduate opportunities. These ten essays have one thing in common: They were all written by students under the constraint of the essay being 1-2 pages due to the target program’s explicit instructions. In such circumstances, writers must attend carefully to the essay prompt (sometimes as simple as “Write a one-page summary of your reasons for wanting to pursue graduate study”) and recognize that evaluators tend to judge these essays on the same fundamental principles, as follows:

• First, you are typically expected to provide a window into your personal motivations, offer a summary of your field, your research, or your background, set some long-term goals, and note specific interest in the program to which you are applying.

• Second, you are expected to provide some personal detail and to communicate effectively and efficiently. Failure to do so can greatly limit your chances of acceptance.

Good writers accomplish these tasks by immediately establishing each paragraph’s topic and maintaining paragraph unity, by using concrete, personal examples to demonstrate their points, and by not prolonging the ending of the essay needlessly. Also, good writers study the target opportunity as carefully as they can, seeking to become an “insider,” perhaps even communicating with a professor they would like to work with at the target program, and tailoring the material accordingly so that evaluators can gauge the sincerity of their interest

Overview of Short Essay Samples

Geological Sciences Samples

In the pdf link below, the first two one-page statements written by students in the geological sciences are interesting to compare to each other. Despite their different areas of research specialization within the same field, both writers demonstrate a good deal of scientific fluency and kinship with their target programs.

Geography Student Sample

The short essay by a geography student applying to an internship program opens with the writer admitting that she previously had a limited view of geography, then describing how a course changed her way of thinking so that she came to understand geography as a “balance of physical, social, and cultural studies.” Despite her limited experience, she shows that she has aspirations of joining the Peace Corps or obtaining a law degree, and her final paragraph links her interests directly to the internship program to which she is applying.

Materials Sciences Student Sample

For the sample from materials sciences, directed at an internal fellowship, the one-page essay has an especially difficult task: The writer must persuade those who already know him (and thus know both his strengths and limitations) that he is worthy of internal funds to help him continue his graduate education. He attempts this by first citing the specific goal of his research group, followed by a brief summary of the literature related to this topic, then ending with a summary of his own research and lab experience.

Teach for America Student Sample

The student applying for the Teach for America program, which recruits recent college graduates to teach for two years in underprivileged urban and rural public schools, knows that she must convince readers of her suitability to such a demanding commitment, and she has just two short essays with which to do so. She successfully achieves this through examples related to service mission work that she completed in Ecuador before entering college.

Neuroscience Student Sample

The sample essay by a neuroscience student opens with narrative technique, telling an affecting story about working in a lab at the University of Pittsburgh. Thus we are introduced to one of the motivating forces behind her interest in neuroscience. Later paragraphs cite three undergraduate research experiences and her interest in the linked sciences of disease: immunology, biochemistry, genetics, and pathology.

Medieval Literature Student Sample

This sample essay immerses us in detail about medieval literature throughout, eventually citing several Irish medieval manuscripts. With these examples and others, we are convinced that this student truly does see medieval literature as a “passion,” as she claims in her first sentence. Later, the writer repeatedly cites two professors and “mentors” whom she has already met, noting how they have shaped her highly specific academic goals, and tying her almost headlong approach directly to the National University of Ireland at Maynooth, where she will have flexibility in designing her own program.

Beinecke Scholarship Student Sample

The Beinecke Scholarship essay is written by a junior faced with stiff competition from a program that awards $34,000 towards senior year and graduate school. This student takes an interesting theme-based approach and projects forward toward graduate school with confidence. This writer’s sense of self-definition is particularly strong, and her personal story compelling. Having witnessed repeated instances of injustice in her own life, the writer describes in her final paragraphs how these experiences have led to her proposed senior thesis research and her goal of becoming a policy analyst for the government’s Department of Education.

Online Education Student Sample

Written during a height of US involvement in Iraq, this essay manages the intriguing challenge of how a member of the military can make an effective case for on-line graduate study. The obvious need here, especially for an Air Force pilot of seven years, is to keep the focus on academic interests rather than, say, battle successes and the number of missions flown. An additional challenge is to use military experience and vocabulary in a way that is not obscure nor off-putting to academic selection committee members. To address these challenges, this writer intertwines his literacy in matters both military and academic, keeping focus on applications of Geographic Information Systems (GIS), his chosen field of graduate study.

Engineer Applying to a Master’s Program Sample

This example shows that even for an engineer with years of experience in the field, the fundamentals of personal essay writing remain the same. This statement opens with the engineer describing a formative experience—visiting a meat packaging plant as a teenager—that influenced the writer to work in the health and safety field.  Now, as the writer prepares to advance his education while remaining a full-time safety engineer, he proves that he is capable by detailing examples that show his record of personal and professional success. Especially noteworthy is his partnering with a government agency to help protect workers from dust exposures, and he ties his extensive work experience directly to his goal of becoming a Certified Industrial Hygienist.

Click here to download a pdf of ten short essay samples. [65]

Frequently, graduate school or scholarship applications provide an option or requirement for you to submit a resume to complement your other written material. The two sample resumes provided in the link below offer good examples of what graduate schools and scholarship committees look for in a resume (or “curriculum vitae,” which is typically a lengthier resume with an academic and research focus).

Overview of Short Sample Resume

The writer of the short sample resume in the pdf below wisely excludes the usual “Objective” section (needless for a graduate application) and focuses instead on his education. Note how he briefly discusses his thesis research and lists his key courses—information he hopes will be of special interest to the selection committee. With little meaningful work experience in the field, the writer simply summarizes his experience briefly and lists activities, some of which relate to his field of study. Standing alone, this resume will not help the student rise above other applicants, some of whom are bound to have paid work experience in the field. However, it will be helpful to the application, particularly when joined with the student’s corresponding personal statement.

Overview of Lengthy Sample Resume (Curriculum Vitae)

With curriculum vitae tailored to graduate school or scholarships, the category headings can be determined both by the writer’s strengths and by the selectors’ needs. Thus, the sample three-page curriculum vitae in the pdf below focuses on languages, international experience, and leadership positions. Note how the writer effectively uses subcategories to underscore a diversity of experience, ranging from political involvement to research. She describes volunteer positions as thoroughly as one would describe a job. Also, she uses various formatting strategies, including ample white space, selective indentation, and boldface of parallel headings to allow for easy visual scanning of her credentials. Clearly, this student has a lot of offer in her chosen field of political science.

Click here to download a pdf of two sample resumes. [66]

The lengthy sample essays in the pdf link below showcase writers who, to varying degrees, took chances or simply reached higher. Not only did these writers compose lengthy essays (still within prescribed word-count limits), but in many cases they did something bold with content, form, or personality.

In these samples, length can readily be justified by the fact that these are writers who don’t necessarily fall into “typical” student categories but nevertheless are applying to graduate programs or for scholarships. To be competitive, these writers decided to stand out by telling their stories in a way that they hoped would set them apart from, and above, the crowd. A common thread linking these diverse writers is their obvious confidence that:

1. their essays matter to the selection committee, and
2. their essays will be both noticeable and noticed.

Overview of Lengthy Essay Samples

Mechanical Engineering Student Sample

In the first sample essay from mechanical engineering, what stands out immediately are the length and the photographs. In this case, the student was applying for an engineering scholarship, so he was given room to flesh out technical material as well as address issues such as personal motivations one would expect to read in a personal statement. Much of the essay is given to a discussion of his thesis work, which involves the examination of “the propagation of a flame in a small glass tube.” The figures depict the experimental work and represent the success of preliminary thesis results, visually indicating the likely point at which the flame reached detonation.

Liberal Arts Student Sample

The three-page personal statement by the liberal arts student is interesting in that it is often intentionally abstract and a bit philosophical. This student attended a small liberal arts school that promotes a “Think, Evolve, Act” theme to its students, and this student reflects on this theme and embraces it in his own life from the beginning of the essay. In his curriculum, he has taken a course on Gandhi and Nonviolence, studied abroad in Belgium, and self-designed a program of “Peace and Conflict Studies with an emphasis in Technological Revolution.” He has also taken a ten-day service learning trip to Costa Rica, studied at the Institute of Gandhian Studies in India, served part-time as an assistant to a member of the European Parliament, and written a paper entitled “A Knowledge-Based Society and the Digital Divide.” Meanwhile, he plans to graduate with distinction in both of his majors. In jazz terms, this student certainly does seem to have the chops.

Film Student Sample

One way to get a sense of the daring of this personal statement, written by a student who aims to study film at Columbia University, is simply to consider the allusions he makes throughout his statement. With neither apology nor obvious humility, this writer makes references to Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen, Jean-Luc Godard, Jean Vigo, Terrence Malick, and David Gordon Green. Further, this writer takes the unusual step of using section headings in his personal statement, including, on his first page “Poetry,” “Plastics,” and “Children.” But no matter how creative this writer is, of course, we must ultimately judge him on his evidenced ability as a filmmaker. In that regard, he showcases his ease with talking about films and directors, posits an analogy about student filmmaking (“directing your own material is like parenting”), and discusses the success of his nineteen-minute senior project, “Burying Dvorak”—a film he promoted by taking a year off after graduation, successfully landing it in more than 20 film festivals. As he closes his essay, he makes a specific pitch for Columbia University, where he hopes to continue “to discover my own voice, my own poetry.”

Biological Science Student Sample

For the lengthy sample essay from the student in biological science, the extensive length and scientific depth are necessary because the student is applying for the highly competitive STAR Fellowship. The STAR (Science to Achieve Results) program offers graduate fellowships through the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), funding several years of study. Given the competitiveness of the process and the EPA’s mission of environmental protection, it is vital that this student presents a viable, environmentally important project in a persuasive, professional manner. To achieve this, the writer successfully approaches the essay as she would a thesis proposal, using science-related section heads, providing original figures and data, focusing heavily on future research goals, and essentially performing a literature review, citing 19 sources ranging from basic textbooks to refereed journals. The result is a powerful essay with scientific depth.

Click here to download a pdf of four lengthy essay samples. [67]

Sample essays for professional school—written by students applying for business, law, or medical school—are abundant online, and they also can be highly specialized. Many medical schools require two separate applications: one directly to the target school itself and one through the American Medical College Application Service (AMCAS) [68], both of which usually require essays. Both law and business schools also often require multiple essays of their applicants, with questions ranging from details about your personal background to questions asking you to write an essay exploring a controversial issue. Therefore, I provide just a few samples of professional essays here in the pdf link below, referring you to online sites in the “Self-Study” box below for further study and targeted samples.

For students applying to professional schools who desire further advice and samples, I do recommend three books throughout this manual, all available for purchase online:

• Mark Alan Stewart’s How to Write the Perfect Personal Statement [69].
• Donald Asher’s Graduate Admissions Essays [44].
• Richard Stelzer’s How to Write a Winning Personal Statement for Graduate and Professional School [41].

In addition to these books all having a well-established and positive reputation, they offer insights from the admissions officers themselves at professional programs, thus giving readers an inside track as to what will be expected of them in both the application essays and the overall application process. With each of these books costing less than the price of most professional school application fees, they’re all well worth the investment.

Overview of Professional Essay Samples

Pharmacy Student Sample

The sample essay from a pharmacy student was written during the student’s sophomore year and before she had experience in the field. Therefore, she chose to highlight her attitude towards and seriousness about her future path of study.  She also discusses pre-pharmacy courses she has already completed and stresses her academic success.

Law School Student Sample

The student applying to law school to study environmental law immediately persuades readers of his commitment by telling a personal story of how environmental law affected his family business. He also traces his educational path from community college to a bachelor’s program, where he completed a technical senior thesis with ties to a government agency. With law schools just as interested in recruiting students with a diverse background and life experience as they are with seeking pre-law majors, this student builds a strong case for himself as a candidate in just one page.

Business School Student Sample

The two business application essays, written by the same applicant, are in response to questions posed by an MBA program, which is especially interested in how candidates take risks and overcome challenges. The writer handles the first question, which allows for one page to describe a personal risk and its impact, by vividly recounting a life-changing 3500-mile bike trip he took across the US with his brother at the age of 21. The second essay gives applicants two pages to describe a challenging team experience and their contributions to its success. Here, the writer has the advantage of having already worked in business for a few years after completing his bachelor’s degree, so he wisely turns to his most successful team experience at his company, where he was a project leader.

Short Medical School Student Sample

With medical school applications sometimes asking very focused questions with short answer responses, this student uses the small amount of space allotted to explain why she’s applying to med school by describing how she applied creative thinking to working with a disabled patient in a clinic. Here we recognize that the writer has the sensibility to respond individually to her future patients with respect.

Click here to download a pdf of four professional essay samples. [70]

 

The Udall Scholarship honors Morris K. Udall, an Arizona Congressman who authored legislation to protect wilderness areas and demonstrated commitment to the Native American and Alaska Native populations. Sophomores and juniors are eligible for the scholarship, which covers educational expenses for one year up to a maximum of $5,000. Udall Scholars come from various fields, ranging from environmental science to engineering to political science, and share in common a commitment to preserving or improving the environment. Udall Scholarships also include special categories for nominees who are Native American or Alaska Native with a commitment to the areas of tribal policy and health care.

The Udall Scholarship Selection Criteria

Udall Scholarship applications are reviewed by at least two readers, ranging from professors of environmental science to scholarship directors to representatives from the EPA. Four principal categories are used to rank each applicant:

• commitment to the environment, health care, or tribal public policy;
• academic achievements;
• nominee’s personal essay;
• personal characteristics as revealed by such evidence as volunteerism and testimonials in letters of reference.

Answering the Udall Application Essay Questions

The Udall application is extensive, including short essays written in response to a series of questions. These questions invite detail in such areas as your professional aspirations, career goals, research experience, leadership, personal motivation, and service, and there’s even an open-ended question asking what additional information you wish to share. In answering these questions, former Udall applicants have described active membership in professional service organizations, a spring break Habitat for Humanity project, a life-changing semester of study in Ecuador, and a project using bird counts as a marker to assess the biological integrity of a local landscape. To answer the open-ended question, which the selection committee uses to sometimes award discretionary points, former applicants have emphasized an interest in environmental education outreach, discussed their role as the first member of their family to attend college, or noted their struggles as a single parent on financial aid.

Most important in answering these application questions is that you read the questions carefully to discern the desired criteria, that you use specifics and avoid unnecessary redundancy with other parts of the application, and that you avoid leaving any of the questions blank or providing answers that are out of proportion to your other answers in length or intent. Seek a balanced, efficient presentation.

Evaluation of Two Sample Sets of Udall Application Materials

The two sample sets of Udall application materials in the pdf below are richly detailed, with both writers thoroughly discussing research and field experiences. In discussing his environmental commitment, the first writer, an environmental engineering student, focuses on a field trip to a Superfund site where he witnessed remediation in action, while the second writer, studying mathematics and ecology, discusses a course she is taking on environmental issues in South Africa and a sailing adventure in the Florida Keys. Of note in the first writer’s essay is his creative answer to question #4, about leadership in his campus community, where he discusses his participation in an outreach service project. The first writer was put forth as a finalist but did not receive a Udall. The second writer did receive a scholarship, after winning honorable mention in the previous year.

The final application question is especially challenging, requiring you to compose an 800-word essay discussing Udall’s ideas and connect them to your own interests. Through the detail of the two samples, we sense that these writers are genuine rather than simply parroting back answers they anticipate the committee wants to hear, and that they studied Udall’s work carefully to inform their essays. The first writer focuses on Udall’s contributions to “the philosophical evolution of the environmental movement,” while the second writer takes the gutsy approach of discussing legislation that Udall fought hard for but later came to regret because of some of its impacts. This writer also draws an interesting case for simpatico views she has with Udall regarding her current environmental project.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Udall application essays by former students. [76]

The National Science Foundation (NSF) awards fellowships for graduate study in science, mathematics, and engineering to candidates who are expected to contribute significantly to research, teaching, and industrial applications. Fellowships support students for one year or several, and the stipend is generous (in 2009 each fellow received $30,000 for a 12-month tenure), with an additional cost-of-education allowance granted to the fellowship institution ($10,500 in 2009). Obviously these awards are highly competitive, and selection panels choose students who will have a great impact on their fields and bring further reputation to their institutions. The NSF program also includes special awards for women in engineering and computer and information science. Individuals can apply during their senior year of college as well as during graduate school.

The NSF Fellowship Selection Criteria

NSF applications are reviewed by discipline-specific panels of mathematicians, scientists, professors, and engineers. Reviewers attend specifically to two criteria:

• intellectual merit, including the strength of the candidate’s academic record, the research plan and previous research, and ability to communicate and interpret research findings;
• broader impacts, reflecting the review panel’s desire to encourage diversity and benefit society through NSF awards.

Once the review panel makes its selections, NSF staff further review the fellowship recommendations, considering additional criteria such as geographic region, discipline, and other policy-specific selection factors.

Answering the NSF Application Essay Questions

The NSF application includes almost 20 questions, four of which must be answered in the form of extensive essays. Essays must be uploaded online through a process called FastLane, with all essays typed in no smaller than a 10-point font size and strict adherence to the dictated page limits.

For the essay questions requiring full narrative responses, applicants must carefully determine the substance of the question and frame responses so that the answers complement each other rather than result in needless redundancy. In this regard, it is useful to think of these questions in the context of just one or two words (e.g., personal motivation, scientific commitment, previous research, proposed research), and frame your answers accordingly. Extrapolate from the lengthy wording of the questions to generate ideas for examples, keeping in mind the fundamental context of the question and sticking to that context.

Evaluation of Two Sample Sets of NSF Application Essays

The two sample responses to NSF application questions provided in the pdf below make for an excellent study in contrast. Also noteworthy: despite the great differences in these two approaches, both students did indeed receive an NSF.

The first sample essays are grounded completely in narrative and do not include any figures, tables, or references. The style is sometimes highly informal, to the point of what some might call a slightly hubristic tone, the use of an exclamation point (!), and even an admittance by the candidate that he has not yet decided on a particular graduate program. Nevertheless, if you read closely you realize that the informality is mostly placed within context of the personal motivation and scientific commitment discussions, while the discussions of previous research and proposed research are scientific and concerned with solving relevant problems related to microelectricalmechanical systems (MEMS). The research hypothesis and applications are also spelled out directly. Thus, we obtain a strong sense of the person (and personality) of this candidate, and we gain confidence in his abilities as a researcher.

In the second sample essays, discussions of previous and proposed research resemble formal literature reviews, each one citing numerous references from refereed journals and presenting figures generated by the author. The applications of the research, which has implications for rebuilding cartilage tissue and relieving musculoskeletal pain, are straightforward and beneficial to society. Meanwhile, we also get a sense of this writer’s personal character, as she cites examples of tutoring other students and her role as captain of a women’s soccer team sponsored by the Biomedical Engineering Society. In short, we meet both the scientist and the humanist—equal concerns for the NSF selectors.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of NSF Graduate Research Fellowship application essays by former students. [78]

The Fulbright Scholarship provides funds sufficient to complete a proposed research or study abroad project for one year. Applicants submit written documents detailing their research or study plans, which may include a year of graduate study, original dissertation research, a creative or performing arts project, or a teaching assistantship. Because the study is undertaken abroad, applicants must have sufficient maturity, character, and literacy to work within the host country.

The Fulbright Scholarship Selection Criteria

Criteria that selectors use to award Fulbright Scholarships include:

• likelihood of the candidate and project to help advance the program and promote mutual understanding among nations;
• sufficient written and spoken literacy in the host country’s language;
• feasibility and specificity of the proposed plan.

A final criterion is the ratio between the number of awards offered in the target country and the number of applications received—i.e., students applying to countries that receive fewer applications have a greater statistical chance of acceptance. Applicants can assess competition statistics and other details for a particular country by consulting the Fulbright website linked at the bottom of this page.

Composing a Personal Statement and Statement of Grant Purpose

The primary written portions of the Fulbright application are a one-page personal statement and two-page statement of grant purpose. As usual, the personal statement is your opportunity to discuss personal motivations, your experience and activities, and future goals. Though your examples should still be concrete, you have the room to reveal your personality—indeed many applicants view this as their chance to let the selectors know them as individually as possible, and they use lightly entertaining anecdotes to set themselves apart from other candidates. In plain terms, the goal is to write an essay that no other person could have written

In writing the statement of grant purpose, begin by making sure not to repeat material from other parts of the application unnecessarily, and present detail tailored as much as possible to the host country. If you can show that you have performed research on (or, better yet, in) the host country already and have made contacts with potential supervisors, you increase your odds of success dramatically.

The Fulbright website cautions writers against the use of discipline-specific jargon, and a good rule of thumb is to define any jargon that you do use in context, keeping the focus of your statement of grant purpose on addressing problems that will provide valuable contributions to society and within your field. Also, practicality and feasibility are principal concerns, so the best applicants provide a timeline, discuss their methodology and goals, and analyze such variables as the host country’s cultural and political climate and resources. Finally, of course, you must demonstrate as necessary your linguistic ability as it applies to the country and your proposed plan, especially if your primary goal is a teaching assistantship.

Evaluation of Written Materials from Two Sample Fulbright Applications

The first sample essays provided in the pdf link below do an excellent job of making the case for the writer’s personal and intellectual readiness for the proposed project. The personal statement focuses on the student’s experiences as inspired by his service-oriented grandparents—members of the Mennonite Church. These role models inspired the student to travel to Peru and contact the Mennonite Economic Development Associates (MEDA). As we learn in the student’s statement of grant purpose, he wishes to work on a grassroots project in Peru related to rice farming, and he shows that he has earned the support of the MEDA Consulting Group, underscoring the feasibility of his plan.

The two essays in the second set of samples are also neatly intertwined, and the writer opens the personal statement with a delightful anecdote about her family puzzling over why a woman would be interested in geological research. The student uses the essay to detail her science background and educational travel, including a month in Thailand, where she plans to do her proposed seismic research. To underscore the urgency of such research, she opens her statement of grant purpose with a poignant narrative and statistics about the devastating effects of a 1999 earthquake in Central Taiwan. Some readers might have valid concerns over whether the statement of grant purpose is too technical at times, and whether its sources should be cited internally, yet these essays remain impressive overall. Indeed, the writer was named as a scholarship alternate.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Fulbright Scholarship application essays by former students. [80]

The Goldwater Scholarship (honoring Senator Barry M. Goldwater) awards sophomore and junior students up to a maximum of $7500 annually for tuition, books, fees, and room and board. Its aim is to provide a continuing source of highly qualified scholars to work as scientists, mathematicians, and engineers. Students are chosen based on their commitment and potential to make significant future contributions in their fields, and it is expected that Goldwater Scholars will pursue graduate degrees.

The Goldwater Scholarship Selection Criteria

Goldwater applications are reviewed by an independent committee appointed by the Goldwater Foundation, and the committee’s selection criteria include:

• potential for a commitment to a career in the sciences, engineering, or mathematics, as demonstrated by the student’s overall application;
• excellence in academic performance.

As with many other national scholarships, candidates for the Goldwater are nominated by their institutions, and final selection of Goldwater Scholars is made by the Goldwater Board of Trustees, which reviews the assessment made by both the nominating institution and the independent selection committee.

Answering the Goldwater Essay Questions and Writing the Nominee’s Essay

The last few questions of the Goldwater application invite narrative responses, with approximate length dictated by the size of the space available to answer the questions. These three questions involve the applicant’s professional aspirations, personal motivations, and diversity (broadly defined). Clearly, a lot of flexibility is built into answering such questions, and students tend to approach these questions accordingly, narrating personal anecdotes and information about their families to let the selectors know what kind of people they are. While still emphasizing science and research, past applicants have shared information about a childhood or other formative experience, the desire to become a professor or write a textbook, their ethnic background, and even information about hardships of their parents. In answering these questions—especially the question inviting comments on diversity—it is important to be genuine and sound natural in your examples. Readers tend to sniff out and suspect aspirations that reach too high, or motivations that are insincere, or diversity that is forced.

For the nominee’s essay (limited to two pages), you must describe an issue or problem associated with your field and describe any related ongoing or intended research. Most writers document any sources cited in APA Style (click here to visit the University of Wisconsin-Madison pages on APA Style [82]), and they are especially careful to credit sources of information and graphics as well as clarify their exact role in the research project. Your aim is to show how you can excel in a research environment, or work as part of a design team, or contribute to the understanding of a technical problem. Remember, too, that members of the selection panel will have the expertise to understand a complex problem in your field, and be certain to present detail accordingly.

Evaluation of Two Sample Sets of Goldwater Application Essays

In the pdf link below, two sample Goldwater essay sets are provided. Note how both writers show a facility with presenting themselves as budding scientists.

In answering the narrative questions, the first writer stresses his aspiration to lead a team of researchers studying pollution control in industrial chemical processes, and cites specific problems he has encountered in his current research on bacteria growth. His tone is almost philosophical at times, discussing the rewards of both achievement and failure in the sciences, and he notes that he is the first in his family to pursue a technical degree. His nominee’s essay stresses the long-term goal of his research in bacterial adhesion, and he carefully describes his team’s use of video microscopy to record particles as they adhere to bacteria.

The second writer addresses the narrative questions by outlining her participation in programs related to women in science and her personal aspirations, ranging from serving as part of a NASA research team to working as a glass blower at a Renaissance Faire. Her diversity background is grounded in her hailing from a highly rural area (even her influential father is a “senior bank auditor but country man at heart”). Finally, her nominee’s essay, addressing the goal to improve the durability of window glass, offers precisely detailed information even to the extent of giving exact nanometer depths that yielded different data points. Such an approach closely resembles a technical abstract that would appear in a journal. Significantly, this student did receive a Goldwater Scholarship.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Goldwater Scholarship application essays by former students. [83]

Each year, 32 Rhodes Scholarships are awarded to US students, supporting two years of graduate study at Oxford University in any field. In addition to educational costs, Rhodes Scholars receive a maintenance allowance for term-time and vacation expenses. The scholarships are viewed as long-term investments in individuals with “excellence in qualities of mind and qualities of person,” measured by their academic superiority and devotion to humankind. Selectors who compose Rhodes Scholarship committees come from fields including academia, law, government, medicine, and journalism.

The Rhodes Scholarship Selection Criteria

Standards by which Rhodes Scholars are judged include:

• exceptional literary and scholastic achievements;
• demonstrated devotion to service, moral character, and leadership.

An additional criterion that can weigh in a candidate’s favor is success in athletics or another demonstration of physical vigor.

The Rhodes Personal Statement

Given the prestige of the Rhodes Scholarship and the staggering competition, many applicants struggle with the fact that they are limited to two fairly short writings in their applications. Candidates provide a list, not longer than two pages and in a font size no smaller than 10 points, of activities and honors in college, and a 1000-word essay setting forth personal aspirations and detailing a specific plan of study for their proposed academic work at Oxford. Needless to say, these documents are scrutinized with great care by selection committees.

The list of activities and honors should be selective and grouped logically into categories, as in a resume or curriculum vitae, and some very brief description could be used amidst this list to give context as necessary. Most important, though—in that the writer has the opportunity to interpret and persuade—is the writing of the personal statement. Excellent Rhodes personal statements are infused with concrete examples, a self-reflective tone, a showcasing of priorities and service, and an overall picture of yourself as a person of accomplishment and character. Some applicants make the mistake of seeing the essay as an academic mini-thesis or a narrative resume, while others treat it as an exercise in purple prose. Some even seem to make a demand for the scholarship or grovel at the feet of the selectors. Such poor visions of what a personal statement should be explain why the Rhodes application calls for the essay to be “written in as simple and direct a manner as possible.” Meanwhile, remember the bottom line about the goal of the personal statement in the eyes of the readers: describing your specific area of proposed study and reasons for wishing to study at Oxford.

Evaluation of Two Sample Rhodes Personal Statements

The two sample Rhodes statements provided in the pdf below are interesting to contrast with each other, in that the first student aims to study health, disease, and culture and the second to study British literature. Also, one writer links herself directly to Oxford only in the final paragraph, while the other links herself throughout.

One of the most striking features of the first sample is its introduction, in which the writer places herself soaked in sweat and deep in thought on a mound of rock in northern Kenya, contemplating the fate of a Homo erectus woman who died 1.7 million years ago. This narrative leads the writer to an extensive explanation, including service-based examples, of the marriage between her degrees in Women’s Studies and Anthropology. Her second page is devoted to her research, including work at the Smithsonian Institute’s National Museum of Natural History. We also find details evidencing physical rigor and athletic competition.

In the second sample, the writer opens with the simple phrase “I have found my mentor,” then describes the very person she wishes to study with at Oxford, making further references to this professor in five of the essay’s eight paragraphs. Amidst various literary references, we find examples of the student presenting a paper on Chaucer at a conference as a junior, and finally describing herself as one like Sir Gawain—an adventurer seeking a deeper understanding of self.

Though neither of these candidates received a Rhodes (which punctuates the keenness of competition), both were put forth as candidates by their schools and made it to the interview stage.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Rhodes Scholarship personal statements by former students. [85]

The Marshall Scholarship is awarded for two years of study in any discipline, usually at the graduate level, and is tenable at any British university. Only the best students who apply make it beyond a school’s internal selection committee to the regional review panel interviews, where about 130 students are interviewed out of 800 applicants, for about 40 awarded scholarships. Of these applicants, more than half typically have a perfect GPA. Marshall Scholars receive payment of tuition and travel as well as a personal allowance to cover living expenses.

The Marshall Scholarship Selection Criteria

Criteria used by Marshall selectors in awarding scholarships include:

• evidenced distinction of intellect and character;
• strong motivation and seriousness of purpose, as represented by the proposal of a specific, rigorous academic program.

Selectors also appreciate evidence that Marshall Scholars will view themselves as US cultural ambassadors to the United Kingdom and understand the United Kingdon's role on the world stage. Specifically, Marshall selectors have noted their disappointment in past applicants who seemed unaware that Great Britain is no longer an Empire and did not seem to acknowledge that it is a modern multicultural society. Therefore, applicants should be cautious about how they characterize modern Britain and avoid historical stereotypes.

The Marshall Scholarship Application Essays

Part of the Marshall application invites short written discussions about personal interests and non-academic activities, future career aims, and foreign travel and languages. Clearly, these discussions provide a great opportunity to present examples such as athletics, set some lofty goals, and demonstrate the maturity one needs to study abroad. Choose examples that don’t require much explanation and that are not repeated in the lengthier application essays.

The most significant writings in the Marshall application are a personal statement of up to 1000 words and a one-page summary of the proposed academic programme. The personal statement typically discusses personal motivations, experience in research or teaching, academic activities, and career goals. Most writers keep this essay focused on motivations and ambitions, while some focus more on academic examples such as senior thesis work or research, and some writers introduce their target program in the final paragraph. In their personal statements, former applicants have expanded on such details as their parents’ professions, an influential teacher or course they took, important texts they have read, theories and positions they uphold, future applications of their research, and conference presentations and publications. Stressing academic achievements here is of little to no value, in that academic excellence in Marshall candidates is a given.

In the one-page proposed academic programme essay, tie your experience directly to the target school(s) and provide a clear study plan. Although students list two preferred universities elsewhere in their application, most use the one-page summary to discuss their first choice only. Clearly, the best writers evidence their suitability for the program while showcasing details to prove that they understand the program’s offerings, especially if they have chosen specific individuals at the target program with whom they would like to study.

Evaluation of Two Sets of Sample Marshall Scholarship Application Essays

The first set of Marshall essays in the pdf below takes an interestingly creative approach, with the writer describing himself as a “biological anthropologist by day” and a “philosopher by night” in the personal statement. These two unlikely partnerships, wedded in one person, are exemplified by a paper the student wrote about a “consilience between Nietzsche and the theoretical work of Amotz Zahavi.” We also find affecting narrative in the personal statement, with the writer depicting himself standing waist-deep in a Costa Rican swamp and working with human cadavers in a gross anatomy course. The accompanying academic programme essay is dominated by connections between the writer’s background and his target program, the University of Leeds.

The second set of Marshall essays is generally more formal and research-based, but ultimately equally personal, with detail including the writer growing up as the son of two Presbyterian ministers and extensive descriptions about his physical activities, which he ties directly to the personal attribute of energy. As this student clarifies, his research concern is with fundamental principles of light and the philosophy of measurement, which he intends to study with a particular professor at Cambridge. Most importantly, the writer also notes in his academic programme essay that he aims to complete a third year of undergraduate studies followed by a one-year MPhil research program at the graduate level.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Marshall Scholarship application essays by former students. [87]

The Truman Scholarship awards up to $30,000 towards graduate study, and undergraduates apply during their junior year. Applicants must have extensive records of community service, be committed to working in a government or public service position, and possess excellent communication skills. Truman Scholars are also required to fulfill a special public service requirement, committing to work in public service for 3-7 years following completion of their graduate degree, as detailed on the Truman website.

The Truman Scholarship Selection Criteria

In culling from among about 600 candidates nominated by nearly 300 colleges and universities, the Truman Scholarship selection committee uses criteria including:

• quality and length of community or government service;
• leadership record, academic performance, and analytical skills.

Selectors give priority to candidates enrolling specifically in graduate programs related to service, ranging from public policy to environmental protection.

The Truman Scholarship Application Essays

The Truman Scholarship application requires extensive writing in the form of more than a dozen questions to answer with lists and short essays and a separate two-page policy proposal. The application questions include discussions of a specific example of your leadership, a recent service activity, a societal problem, influential courses you have taken, your target graduate program and future plans, and an open-ended question for “additional personal information.” There are two important pieces of advice in answering these application questions. First, don’t leave any questions blank—find creative ways to answer all of the questions based on your background, seeking advice from your school’s Truman faculty representative. Secondly, thoroughly scour the Truman website, linked in the “Self-Study” box below. Here you will find links to everything from a checklist to help you assess your potential to become a Truman Scholar to both satisfactory and unsatisfactory responses to application questions.

The website also details policy proposal tips and provides a sample proposal. In the policy proposal, your task is to choose a controversial, manageable, well-studied problem and write a recommendations-based proposal to a government official. Obviously, you are not expected to solve the problem—the committee is interested in how well you can analyze an issue and demonstrate both a passion and practicality for solving it. In writing this proposal, keep in mind the fundamental definition of a Truman Scholar: one who will be an agent of social change.

Evaluation of Two Sample Truman Scholarship Policy Proposals

Because the Truman website is so thorough in its advice about writing personal statements and answering the application essay questions, I do not offer any such examples for this particular scholarship here, instead focusing on presenting two sample Truman Policy Proposals.

In the two sample policy proposals that follow in the pdf link below, you will find some noteworthy similarities: both use the same basic form and headings; both use statistical data to demonstrate the problem; both provide a specific solution (the first in the form of a bill, the second in the form of an education program) to address the problem; both cite a variety of references. These similarities are significant in that every Truman policy proposal needs to have these attributes in order to be successful.

Considering the proposals individually, the first focuses on the controversial topic of discrimination faced by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community. This writer analyzes how members of this community experience problems ranging from employment to physician referrals, and correlates how such individuals might be protected in the same way that persons of color are protected under the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The writer shows particular savvy as she reminds her target senator that he recently supported the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, but that she proposes a bill whose net of protection would be even wider. As we read the final section of the proposal, purposely even-handed in tone, we recognize that the writer is politically active, aware, and potentially persuasive. Indeed, this candidate did receive a Truman Scholarship.

The second proposal focuses on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), opening by noting the fate of the innocent victims, then branching into statistics about both binge drinking among women and low levels of FAS awareness. The writer’s proposal is to deliver FAS awareness programs within colleges through increasingly popular first-year seminar classes, and the essay’s end analyzes the considerable challenges involved in implementing this proposal. Some readers might find the proposal unpersuasive in that FAS problems themselves are not fleshed out and the relationship between cited data and proposed solution may be thin, but remember that the committee looks at this proposal in the context of the entire application, and fully intends to put a significant writing challenge.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Truman Scholarship application essays by former students. [89]

The Mitchell Scholarship is named to honor the former U.S. Senator George J. Mitchell, who served as Chairman of peace negotiations in Northern Ireland. The scholarship funds one year of graduate study at an Irish university and is awarded to approximately 12 students per year. The scholarship provides airfare, tuition, fees, housing, and a stipend for living expenses. The Mitchell Scholarship Selection Committee interviews 20 scholarship finalists in Washington, DC.

The Mitchell Scholarship Selection Criteria

The Mitchell website notes the criteria used to select Mitchell Scholars:

• Academic excellence and intellectual distinction;
• An outstanding record of leadership;
• A sustained commitment to service and community.

No minimum GPA is required and no GRE scores are used in the selection process, but high academic achievement is a necessity in a Mitchell Scholar. Also, a student’s past experience in Ireland or previous acceptance into an Irish university program does not serve as an advantage, in that part of the scholarship’s mission is to introduce new future leaders to Ireland. Nevertheless, one of the necessities of the scholarship is that the student has a concrete plan and commitment to study at an Irish university

Preparing the Mitchell Scholarship Application

The Mitchell application process takes place completely on-line, even for the applicant’s recommenders. Thus, a good deal of time must be spent on familiarizing yourself with the on-line system. Note that much of what you input in the application is the sort of material one lists in a curriculum vitae or resume, and this material will be balanced with your personal statement by the committee as part of the selection process. The application also invites you to list at least three preferences for schools, and the website notes that failure to do so can seriously weaken an application, in that institutional balance is a factor in placing students at universities.

In relation to the personal statement, the FAQ section of the Mitchell website notes this advice:

The personal essay is extremely important. Members of the Selection Committee examine the essay for clues to the character, commitment, and interests of each candidate. This is the only opportunity for the applicant to convey a sense of his/her passions, personality, and intellectual drive. In addition, a well-written essay should provide the Committee with valuable insight into the applicant’s motivation and rationale for the proposed graduate study program that is not otherwise communicated in the rest of the application materials.

In composing the personal statement, which is about two pages (no more than 1,000 words) in length, the basic goal is to present a rationale for the proposed study program and provide concrete evidence of your readiness. Some students detail their achievements in academics, leadership, and service, while others focus heavily on the study program of their first school preference, trusting that their application as a whole will provide a balanced picture of their background. Still other students match themselves to Ireland or Northern Ireland as directly as they can, including travel abroad when relevant, and noting any Irish professors whom they have met or with whom they have had contact.

Evaluation of Two Sample Mitchell Scholarship Personal Statements

The two sample personal statements in the pdf link below are an interesting study in contrasts, in that the first focuses heavily on music performance and the second on political advocacy. While both are strong personal statements, it should be noted that neither student landed a Mitchell Scholarship, underscoring the competitiveness of the application pool.

The first sample statement opens with a narrative discussion of Irish dance performance, after which the writer fleshes out her background in dance and music performance extensively. Indeed, this student has already studied for a semester abroad at University College Dublin and received private lessons in performing Irish “trad” music. Thus, her goal of extended study in this area is well-grounded in experience, and after she discusses her three target programs, making it clear why the University of Limerick is her first choice, she forcefully notes: “I must study in Ireland if I plan to pursue my passion.”

The second sample statement—written by a woman born of Peruvian parents and raised partly in Japan—opens with the writer defining her unique ethnic background and cultural diversity. As we learn throughout the essay, this background has informed her distinctive and deep involvement as an advocate for marginalized voices. She directly links this passion to her three academic programs of choice, and ends by artfully defining herself as a “world student and future political activist,” making a brief reference to Senator Mitchell’s work, and citing her commitment to ultimately helping US Latino citizens.

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Mitchell Scholarship application essays by former students. [91]

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship program, created by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, offers various scholarships funding between one and four years of study at Cambridge University in England. Areas of funded study are graduate, affiliated (a second undergraduate degree), clinical, and MBA, and the scholarships are competed for internationally. Students apply directly to Cambridge through the usual procedures, with the scholarship award decision heavily driven by the target Cambridge department. About 500 US students per year apply for the scholarships, with approximately one-fourth of them being offered a follow-up interview. Nearly 100 scholarships are awarded per year, and about one-third of those awarded scholarships typically go to US applicants.

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship Selection Criteria

Gates Cambridge Scholarship applicants are evaluated by the following criteria:

• exceptional academic achievement and scholarly promise;
• aptitude for research, analysis, and a creative approach to defining and solving problems;
• appropriate fit between candidate’s plans and Cambridge offerings, as revealed through the applicant’s written application and interview.

Gates Cambridge scholars will become leaders who address such global concerns as social equity, health, and technological advances. Obviously, evidence of an applicant’s ability to have such an impact leads to a more favorable outcome.

Preparing the Gates Cambridge Scholarship Application

Gates Cambridge application questions vary slightly based on the area of funded study, but commonalities are questions related to your intended course of study and a 500-word personal statement. When answering these and other narrative questions, detail should be given about how your past activities reflect both leadership and service, and for how a particular course of study at Cambridge will serve to help you attain your goals. A useful exercise is to browse through the Gates Cambridge website link below, where you will find ample opportunities to hear from past Gates Scholars about their work and background. For instance, one Gates Scholar notes the value of her volunteer work in Ecuador. Discussing research and future plans, one scholar describes his plan to work on neuron regeneration at the Brain Repair Centre in Cambridge, while another summarizes his long-term goal to serve in Pakistan as a financial advisor. There is also a 12-minute film on the website detailing the goal to create a network of scholars through the Gates Scholar Alumni Association, and featuring recent Gates Scholars discussing their motivations and goals. Obviously, familiarizing yourself with these scholars will help you decide how to present yourself so that you can stand tall among them.

Evaluation of Two Sets of Sample Gates Scholarship Application Essays

In the pdf link below, the two sample excerpts from Gates Cambridge applications show the depth and diversity of students who apply for this scholarship. The first student, studying colon cancer, shows interests in everything from Renaissance painting to technical writing, while the second, studying speech technology, discusses interests ranging from computer security to swing dancing. Both of these students were awarded a Gates Cambridge Scholarship.

The first writer uses her short statement of research proposal to demonstrate her thorough awareness of the program at the center where she aims to conduct research at Cambridge. In her accompanying 500-word essay, she strikes a bold and creative tone by representing herself as something of a modern “Renaissance woman” (she even explores her creativity by “reproducing an intricate Renaissance painting” at the age of 13)—one who sees the study of science as an outlet for her creative mind, and one who takes the initiative to co-found and edit a health journal as well as teach science to students in state custody. Her theme of creativity as the “driving force” in her development and eventually leading her to science is both rhetorically persuasive and stylistically elegant.

The second writer discusses the specific course of study he would like to complete at Cambridge, followed by research which he hopes would make computer technology available to a wider audience, “including those suffering from physical disabilities.” His passion for working in this area becomes further articulated in his 500-word essay, where he expresses concerns about sensitivity of personal information and “the safety and stability of the global economic community.” Like the writer in the first example, he sees education as an important vehicle for change, and he has taught computer literacy classes to the elderly as well as studied abroad during his junior year at Oxford University. He ends his essay affirming his desire to “take action to improve the condition of humanity.”

Click here to download a pdf of two sets of Gates Scholarship application essays by former students. [93]